Aug 10, 2007

The Eternal Flame Gets Snuffed reports that last night, three drunk Belarussian youths have done what the Germans could not 60 years ago, by extinguishing the Eternal Flame dedicated to World War II soldiers in Minsk's Victory Square.

Although the article does not note the precise method used by the perpetrators of this heinous crime, erudite EternalRemont readers could probably venture a guess or two. Reaction from Moscow is forthcoming. EternalRemont, always dedicated to providing timely political analysis, offers the following future scenarios:

1) A massive Nashi demonstration in front of the Belarussian Embassy in Moscow. Nashi leader Vasily Yakemenko personally hounds the Belarussian Ambassador for the next 5-6 months.

2) The Duma announces a boycott of Belarussian goods in Russia. After establishing that such goods consist solely of potatoes, Duma announces the yam as the new Russian national staple food.

3) Within hours, all three Belarussian servers are shut down by Russian hackers

4) Gazprom establishes a $30/cubic meter " Eternal Flame Tax" on gas exports to Belarus. When EU officials object, tax extended to all EU members, excluding Germany.

5) All Belarussian guest workers are ordered to leave Moscow, while the police searches for their children in Russian schools.

In the confusion over the indistinguishably-Slavic features of Belarussian natives, all citizens whose last name end in -shenko are deported from Russia. Ukrainian opposition leader Yulia Tymoshenko writes another article in Foreign Affairs, decrying Putin's "imperial tendencies."




Vika said...

That's especially rich considering that Russia intentionally shut off the one in Mars Field, St. Petersburg for...wait for it...remont.

I witnessed this.

Jennifer said...

It was three drunk Estonians on holiday in Minsk. Stop speading rumors.