Feb 22, 2007

"I fought with Kim Jong-il"

In what can only be interpreted as a reaction to the utter failure that was last week's North Korea nuke deal in Beijing, Novye Izvestiya ran an interview today with famous Russian film director Sergei Soloviev, titled "I fought with Kim Jong-il".

As it turns out, Soloviev's father helped put Kim il-Sung (Kim Jong-il's illustrious ancestor) into power, when the latter served as a battalion commander in the Soviet 88th Special Rifle Brigade. Kim "The Guiding Light" Jong-il himself can freely apply for a Russian passport, having been born in a village outside of Vladivostok, where he was lovingly christened as "Yuri Irsenovich Kim".

According to Soloviev Jr., humanity could've been spared at early stages:

"During the times when my father was at the podium next to Kim Il-sung at military parades, I was allowed to play with his son, who was three years older than me. The son spoke Russian well – which was unsurprising, since he was born in a Siberian village. We even fought. It was clear that he was the stronger one, but I was craftier. And as far as I can remember, I was once able to throw him into a fountain and hold him under water…"

Well, Monsieur Soloviev, why didn't you drown the bastard then, before he became the beady-eyed Dr. Evil with obnoxiously large goggles? If you had more temerity back then, the northern part of the Korean peninsula could now potentially have the same obsessed hordes of youth touting the virtues of a conglomerate-controlled democracy as its southern neighbor.

Having said that, every cloud has a silver lining. Because of Kim Jong-il recalcitrant efforts to bring nuclear Armageddon to those "decadent" Western societies, top US nuclear negotiator and assistant secretary of state Christopher Hill can easily get laid in Beijing any day



Ern said...

What a pleasant conclusion. Thanks for that.

Igor said...

You're welcome, also don't forget to thank the Associated Press for providing such high-quality journalism.

niroa said...

It cannot have effect as a matter of fact, that's exactly what I suppose.