What Year Is It, Again?

I didn't realize Cuban Missile Crises were cyclical like the secadas....

Washington Post: Russian bombers capable of carrying nuclear weapons could be deployed to Cuba in response to US plans to install a missile defense system in E. Europe, a Russian newspaper reported Monday, citing an unnamed senior Russian air force official. The report in Izvestia, which could not be confirmed, prompted memories of the 1962 Cuban missile crisis, when the United States and the Soviet Union came to the brink of nuclear war after Khrushchev put nuclear missiles on the island. The weapons were eventually withdrawn in an apparent Soviet climb-down, but Kennedy also secretly agreed to remove US missiles from Turkey.

Some Russian experts dismissed the possibility of a new Cuban crisis. "It's very silly psychological warfare," said Alexander Golts, an independent military analyst. "Putin and Medvedev are very militant in words but very cautious in practical issues. I cannot see any reason to raise this threat against the US" But "if it's true, it looks like a repetition of the Caribbean crisis" he said, using the common Russian term for the Cuban missile crisis.

Make Rakia a Part of Your Balanced Breakfast....It's GRRREAT!

The Sofia Weekly: After his meeting with the Mayor of the Bulgarian city of Stara Zagora, the action movie star Dolph Lundgren jokingly admitted he occasionally had rakia as part of his diet to keep fit. The star from Universal Soldier and Rocky IV is in Bulgaria for the shooting of his new movie Command Performance.

In Command Performance Lundgren will star as the drummer for a Russian band who is the opening act for a major American rock group. Their concert in Moscow with the Russian Prime Minister in the audience gets interrupted as a group of terrorists take over. The band's drummer, however, happens to be an ex-Marine, and salvages the situation.

I can't believe Lundgren stole my movie idea. Of course it seems he will be making it an action flick and not a comedy. We'll see how that works out...

Holy Crap, They Did It

As of today, the most wanted war criminal in Europe, Sr. Radovan Karadzic, is in prison.

Bloomberg reports, "The Bosnian Serb wartime leader, was arrested by Serbian security forces after spending 13 years in hiding to avoid charges of genocide over the murder of almost 8,000 Muslims..."

As Thomas O. Melia over at Freedom House quipped, "It's no coincidence that the Serbian government appointed a new head of security on Friday and this arrest happened just three days later."

To be fair, Karadzic's location was the worst kept secret in Serbia. His taylor knew where he lived, as did his grocer, the grandmother who suspiciously eyed his door through her peephole, and most of the Serbian government.

Still, if Slobodan Miloshevich's trial is any indication, Karadzic will die warm in his bed, after endless appeals, attended by the best doctors in Europe.

But some will still remember, Srebrenica.

Russia Becomes a Net Importer of Prostitutes

CNN has a very depressing story on the illegal traficking of women in Russia.

Whereas tough economic times made Russia a net exporter of prostitutes in the 1990s, the economic boom has forced mafia gangs to import women from as far away as Nigeria.

Here's the video, if you're ready for it.

The Subtle Pleasures of the Ukraine Customs Service

Our good friends over at the US-Ukraine Business Council sent their members a wonderful email detailing typical expierences in getting packages through customs. For anyone who has ever interacted with a Eastern European customs agent, it makes for a hillarious read.

The highlights:

--A major soft drink company imports samples of plastic bottle caps with their logo on them...Shipment is not released because Ukrainian customs requires an official letter from the company that the bottle caps will not be used for medical purposes.

--While on a business trip a person forgot his pants in the hotel. The hotel sent them to the person in Kyiv by express mail indicating a value of $50. Ukrainian customs increased the value to $400. The person refused to pay the $40 duty required by customs for his own pants. Pants shipped back to hotel.

--Online shoppers living in Ukraine you must be prepared to undergo the following steps to customs clear an express shipment (books, a teddy bear, t-shirts, set of screwdrivers, etc):

a) Prepare copy of your passport, translated invoice, detailed description of the content;

b) Produce a hard copy of the declaration M-16

c) Spend an hour or so in a line to the customs chief to have the name of inspector who'll be dealing with your case;

d) Spend another hour plus in line to see "your" inspector

e) Wait 1 to 2 hours until shipment physically checked (Customs maintains the Soviet policy of 100% control over every package!)

g) Spend 30 minutes in line to pay the duties

NOTE: This is the best case scenario. If there's a single deviation (e.g. $1 difference between the declared and actual value) the whole process starts over again from the beginning.

The US-Ukraine Business Council also informs us that, amazingly, Ukraine has the highest return rate for express packages in the world.

How is that possible?

God Bless You Alexander Solzhenitsyn

Beating all odds, Alexander Solzhenitsyn is still alive...and apparently still paying the bills.

Yesterday, the AP reported that Solzhenitsyn had authorized the release of an “uncut” English language version of The First Circle. (His translator died in 2005 and the project was put, as Solzhenitsyn would say, ‘in the drawer.’)

This is both good and bad.

Solzhenitsyn stands among the giants of the 20th century, both for his literary prowess and as one of the few people to tell both the Soviet Union and the United States to go to hell. Throughout his public life, he did it all in a very Solzhenitsyn kind of way. This ensured that neither the Kremlin, nor the editors of the New York Times, fully understood what on earth he meant.

Just was with his 1978 Harvard commencement address, the prospect of an “uncut” English language translation of First Circle is a mixed bag. This is especially true since his more recent works have been prone to spasms of self-indulgent prose.

Solzhenitsyn aficionados of the world, prepare yourselves.

Medvedev Speaks: it all sounds familiar

This week, President Medvedev granted Prime Minister Putin unprecedented authority over foreign affairs. This move is a clear break from Medvedev's March 2008 promise to retain presidential control over international matters, and demonstrates how state authority (de facto and de jure) is shifting to Putin's office.

As a result, it comes as little surprise that President Medvedev sounded remarkably similar to Putin during his first major speech on foreign policy. “With the end of the cold war, there is no reason to have a bloc mentality,” he said without the least hint of irony over the SCO. Medvedev added, “There is also no reason for paternalism, where some countries decide everything for others.” Instead, he would prefer that Russia assume “greater responsibility for solving problems on both a regional and global scale.”

A capital idea!

Medvedev could begin by making good on Russia’s agreements to resolve frozen conflicts in Moldova and Abkhazia/Georgia. In addressing broader issues of global importance, like energy security, Medvedev can also uphold Russia’s commitments to the G-8 and resume oil deliveries to the Czech Republic.

Unfortunately, there is little indication that Medvedev has the authority, or desire, to act on these issues. Instead, the Kremlin’s rhetoric will remain unplugged from reality. That's bad news for the world, but good news for Eternal Remont. To steal from Mark Katz at George Mason University, Putin has saved everyone's career from ruin.

Not. Remotely. Subtle.

Jamestown reports: "On July 8 in Prague the United States and the Czech Republic signed an agreement on a U.S. radar system on the Czech Republic’s territory as part of the antiballistic missile shield. On July 10 Russia’s oil pipeline monopoly Transneft announced that oil deliveries to the Czech Republic were being cut...Transneft did not mention the reasons for this deep cut and did not specify whether supplies would fully resume after July."

But don't think the shut-off contradicts Russia's pledge in the final communique from the St. Petersburg G-8 Summit. You remember, the part where the Kremlin agreed to uphold "open, transparent, efficient and competitive markets for energy production, supply, use, transmission and transit services as a key to global energy security."

Besides, that was two whole years ago.

Don't Take Your Pigs To Town...in Mazeikiai, Lithuania

From Jen, courtesy of the Baltic Times:

"Just to prove that the English speaking world doesn’t have a monopoly on NIMBIES (not in my back yard) people from the northern town of Mazeikiai rallied outside the Danish embassy in Vilnius July 6 in anger at a Danish pig farmer whose operation they say is will create a nuisance that they can not stomach. The owner of the farm, Erwin Nissan, plans to expand his farm permit from 3,000 to over 12,000 pigs. He had previously attempted to get a permit for 54,000 pigs..."

Jen adds, "So they're okay with a Soviet-era refinery (which blew up in a horrific fireball not too long ago) but these little piggies must all the way home...to Denmark."

And for the record, the pig is a brave and noble animal. Send your love letters someplace else PETA.

Youngest World Leaders

If Barack Obama wins the U.S. presidential election in November at the age of 47, he will become one of the youngest Americans to assume the presidency. But Barack would still be older than these guys:

1. The King of Bhutan is 28.
2. The Prime Minister of Dominica is 36.
3. The President of the Democratic Republic of the Congo is 37.
4. Prime Minister of Macedonia (one of the least happiest places on Earth, as mentioned recently on Remont) Nikola Gruevski will be 38 at the end of August.
5. The President of Nauru will be 38 come October.
6. The King of Swaziland turned the big 4-0 this year.
7. The President of Georgia turns 41 in December...God willing...Abkhazia is looking pretty dicey these days.
8. The President of Togo is 42.
9. The Prime Minister of Bulgaria, Sergei Stanishev, is also 42.

And the 10th youngest world leader, Russia's most democratically elected president and biggest Putin fan boy, Dmitry Medvedev. He will be 43 in December.

Looking good, boys.

If Someone Invites You to a Laser Show in Russia...

DON'T GO! They are trying to blind you!

Thomson Reuters: Dozens of partygoers at an outdoor rave near Moscow last week have lost partial vision after a laser light show burned their retinas, Russian health officials said on Monday. Moscow city health department officials confirmed 12 cases of laser-blindness at the Central Ophthalmological Clinic, and daily newspaper Kommersant said another 17 were registered at City Hospital 32 in the centre of the capital.

Attendees at the July 5 Aquamarine Open Air Festival in Kirzhach, 80 km (50 miles) northeast of Moscow, began seeking medical help days after the show, complaining of eye and vision problems, health officials told Reuters. "They all have retinal burns, scarring is visible on them. Loss of vision in individual cases is as high as 80 percent, and regaining it is already impossible," Kommersant quoted a treating ophthalmologist as saying.

Thanks to Igor for the story. "It's like a bad Sci-Fi movie."

Homage to The Oil State

Igor writes, here's an article in Gazeta, titled: "Famous conductor YuryTemirkanov is dedicating his performance to the recovery of the ninth million tonne of oil"... That's in Khanty-Mansyisk, where they just held the EU-Russia Summit.

Couldn't make that up if I tried, way more powerful stuff than in the Onion...

Update: The Volga is Dirty

Jen sends in this story about life along the Volga. It turns out, years of dumping waste into the river have not been good for the enviornment.

Chicago Tribune, July 8, 2008: "The Volga River has been Russia's lifeblood for centuries, and is as cherished there as the Mississippi is in the United States. But now, segments of the river serve as dumping grounds for factories along its banks, and the river is edging toward environmental ruin.

"'In recent years, industrial activity has been on the rise in Russia, and that's very dangerous because the wastewater-cleaning facilities at industrial plants date back to Soviet times,' said Galina Chernogayeva, a scientist at the Institute for Global Climate and Ecology, which studies water pollution in Russia," adding, "in 10, 20 or 30 years we may find ourselves in a situation when part of the country's territory will be unfit for living"

Moscow: Nest of Spies

It’s that time of year again, time to lay out amid the trash and sunbathers along the Moscow river, and time for the FSB to go through the list of British Embassy to staff pick a random "spy."

Last summer, UK Trade Representative Andrew Levi got an early ticket home after the FSB accused him of being a spy. This year, Chris Bowers -- head of the UK Trade and Investment Office -- wins the prize: an unexpected trip to London for an even more unexpected English summer.

As it happens, Bowers served as a stringer for the BBC in Uzbekistan during the 1990s. This makes him a spy, according to the FSB.

Even if Bowers is a spy – and who can tell these days – the timing of his expulsion is less than subtle. The battle for control of TNK-BP will only get wosre.

It is not known, however, why the Kremlin is taking so long to issue BP a bill for “unpaid taxes,” conveniently equal to the company's market capitalization. At current prices, that’s just over $200 billion -- a sum which BP has no doubt declined to pay the Russian government.

Problem solved: BP gets booted from the country, the Kremlin gets control of the Siberian fields, the lawyers get rich, and nobody gets called a spy.

McCain Threatens Mouthy Friend with Post in Minsk

The Today Show reports that after Paul Gramm told the Washington Post that Americans are suffering from a "mental recession" and are just a nation of whiners, US republican presedential candidate John McCain threatened his, one assumes soon to be ex-, economic advisor with an embassy post in Minsk, Belarus. The Today Show goes on to describe Belarus as an "outlaw state [that] is far worse than Siberia in the old days." You gotta respect McCain for diverting attention away from his former top choice for Secretary of Treasury to Belarus. Didn't see that coming.

Russia Celebrates Day of Family, Love and Fidelity

This is also known as: "Oh My God, Everyone Over 14 Get It on Today before Our Population Disappears and Our State Becomes Inviable as Predicted by the Smartest Man to Come out of Rhode Island" Day (sorry that some of that was a little inside). In any case, it was baby-making day in Russia, so if you called your friend and he didn't answer...he was little preoccupied.

NYTIMES: Russia celebrated the first Day of Family, Love and Fidelity, a holiday that is the government’s latest attempt to help halt Russia’s population loss. Last year, Putin declared 2008 the Year of the Family. On Sept. 12, a holiday called Family Contact Day encouraged Russians to stay home and engage in marital intimacy in the hopes of producing children on Russia Day, 9 mo. later, on June 12. The new holiday extends Russia’s promotion of procreation, urging couples not only to have children but also to provide those children with two-parent, stable family lives. It is a sign that the new president, Dmitri A. Medvedev, will continue the move under Mr. Putin to be more active in promoting morality and optimism about Russia’s future.

Commentary: I have a bone to pick with NYTIMES. You can already guess what they titled this article. "A Holiday From Russia With Love" And with that, I am going to start my own lobby group that only lobbies for an end to the use of the "From Russian With Love" cliche in article titles. You're writers. Think of something clever!

Foreign Policy Publishes Top 60 Unstable Countries

Don't worry, you know our favorite countries came to join the party. While it seems that Africa dominates the top 20, Central Asia holds its own. Uzbekistan tied with Kenya and the Congo as the 26th most unstable country in the world, while Tajikistan and Kyrgyzstan stole 39th and 40th place (Take that Egypt!). Sans 'bashy, Turkmenistan took 46th place.

And don't worry, Central/Eastern Europe couldn't stay away. Moldova, recently rated one of the top 5 unhappiest places on earth, just made the top 50 at 49th place. Belarus and Bosnia took 53rd and 54th places. And, representing the Caucasus, Georgia takes 56th place; better luck next time, Armenia.

If you interested in what FP takes into account when ranking these countries, well it's a great number of indicators of instability, including demographic pressures, refugee and IDP counts, the economy, public services, human rights, etc, etc. Check out the chart and scoring here: http://www.foreignpolicy.com/images/fs2008/failed_states_ranking.jpg.

A Modernized Version of Dobrij Doktor Ajbolit

This just warmed my heart despite its sarcastic undertones. I love Doktor Ajbolit! "V Afrike, v Afrike, na limpopo!"

Not Guilty with a Defense of Drunkedness

I would love to see a Bulgarian version of Law and Order.
DA: We'll see how much your client likes it when he's in prison!
Defense Attorney: My client isn't going to prison. Notification of a not guilty defense due to drunkedness.
DA: You won't get away with this!
Defense Attorney: We'll see how the jury feels. If I get one man on that jury with a drinking problem...my client will walk.
*Chink Chink*

Sofia Weekly (Ern's Favorite Weekly): 3 young men from the Ryahovtsi village, Gabrovo District, were sentenced Monday for profanation of the Bulgarian national flag. On the night of May 19, 2007, the 19-yr old Hasan, the 20-yr old Ibrahim, and a younger boy with initials H.P. tore down the Bulgarian flag from its pole in the center of the village, threw it on the ground, and started to step on it. After that they tore it into pieces.

The young men could get up to 2 yrs in prison, but were only sentenced to pay fines because this was the first crime they ever committed. Hasan was sentenced to pay BGN 1000, and Ibrahim - BGN 1500. The 3 men admitted of committing the crime but explained that they had done it after they were coming home drunk from a disco. They deny having had any ethnically motivated reasons for insulting the Bulgarian flag.

Leopolis on AFP, on the Poles, on Missile Defence (get that?)

This week, Secretary Rice packs for another magical mystery tour of self-discovery through Prague, Sofia, and Tbilisi. Just to get everyone in the mood, our good friends over at Leopolis offer up an excellent look at AFP's reporting of Polish attitudes towards the Missile Defence system.

It turns out, Kaczyński still doesn't like Tusk, the French report what they please, and the Poles are divided -- but it depends on who you ask.

So everyone can relax, the world is in order.

A Hedonist’s Guide to…Almaty & Astana

These days, a friendly visit to the local Kazakh Embassy will get you an armful of books on the joys and wonders of everyone’s favorite Central Asian oil state.

Eternal Remont’s personal favorite, compliments of the Embassy staff, is A Hedonist’s Guide to…Almaty & Astana.

Did you know, for example, “There are not many clubs in Astana that don’t have a striptease, and Seoul Plaza (located at 16/2 Respublik Ave., Tel 320 010 or 328 462) is no exception….if you’re making a night of it, and you happen to be Russian Orthodox, you won’t have long to wait after closing until the bells start ringing for the next-door cathedral’s first service.”

Wow.

Thanks Embassy of Kazakhstan!

World Happiness on the Rise...

...well not in our beloved region of the world.



The Today Show: the least happiest places on earth...

1. Zimbabwe
2. Armenia
3. Moldova
4. Belarus
5. Ukraine

The happiest place on earth is apparently Denmark. So, Zimbabweans, Armenians, Moldovans, Belarusians, and Ukrainians...maybe look into Denmark?

Hackers Tag Lithuanian Web Sites With Soviet Symbols

NYTIMES: Hackers attacked about 300 Web sites in Lithuania over the weekend, defacing them with Soviet symbols and anti-Lithuanian slogans, officials said Monday. The Web sites were vandalized two weeks after Lithuania, a former Soviet republic, outlawed the display of Soviet symbols, a ban that touched off new tensions with Russia. Lithuanian officials did not directly accuse Russian hackers of initiating the attacks, but said they had come from foreign computers and were most likely related to the ban.

All this Remont blogger can say is: OH MY GOD, THE SOVIET UNION DISSOLVED, GET OVER IT ALREADY! YOU LIVE IN RUSSIA, NOT THE USSR! YOU ARE RUSSIAN, NOT SOVIET! Are Americans British because they used to be a part of the British Empire? NO! They are American! Why is it so awful to be proud of being Russian?

I'll Take Russian Double Jepordy for $1,000

Mikhail Khodorkovsky is going back on trial. However, Khodorkovsky hasn't committed any new crimes since he was locked away in a Siberian prison. As a result, Russian prosecutors have decided just to charge him with the exact same crimes as before.

"What is 'the definition of Double Jepordy,' Alex?"

According to Khodorkovsky's attorneys, "'The defense has not been able to understand what is actually 'new' after reading a 145-page...file. It was the same set of absurd and baseless accusations of misappropriation...of all oil extracted over the six years of Yukos' life."

Worse yet, Khodorkovsky's lawyers are hoping that President Medvedev will intervene and show just how committed he really is to the new crusade against legal nihilism. "We are convinced that whichever legal gimmicks may be in the works, the referral of the case to a court with the slightest sign of independence will cause these far-fetched charges to fall apart," they said.

It just like all of those Gulag prisoners of old who furtivly wrote letters to Stalin to protesting their innocence.

...Stalin had signed their arrest orders.

Move Over Armenian Genocide...

...the Ukrainian Genocide is totally the hippest unrecognized genocide now. Who could deny the Holodomor when there's a starvation torch being passed around the globe? Well, Britain, the US, Germany, and Russia to name a few. The UN will not be recognizing Holodomor this year despite Ukraine's best PR efforts. Russia just didn't want it more. :(

Podrobnosti.ua: Президент Мирового конгресса украинцев Аскольд Лозинский заявляет, что в новой резолюции ООН по поводу Голодомора 1932-33 годов скорее всего не будет упоминания о геноциде украинского народа. По словам Лозинского, Великобритания вместе с Соединенными Штатами, Германией и Россией принадлежит к странам, которые пока не готовы признать Голодомор актом геноцида против украинского народа.

Напомним, что ранее глава политического комитета ПАСЕ, депутат из Швеции Йоран Линдблад сообщил, что Парламентская Ассамблея Совета Европы будет изучать последствия Голодомора на территории всего Советского Союза, а не только в Украине. Это он объяснил тем, что российская делегация в ПАСЕ лучше лоббировала свою позицию, чем украинцы.

Russian Bishop Threatened with "Defrocking"

Dramatization of a defrocking.

NY TIMES: A bishop who accused leaders of the Russian Orthodox Church of forming an inappropriate alliance with the Kremlin will be defrocked unless he repents, clerics ruled. Bishop Diomid, who has also spoken out against ecumenical ties with other Christian faiths, had to be disciplined because he was trying to create a split within the church, the Russian Orthodox Church said in a statement. Many Russian Orthodox believers are sensitive about any sign that the church is compromising its independence from the Kremlin, especially because under Soviet rule senior clerics were recruited by the Communist authorities as collaborators. “With his appeals and statements, he is cultivating the spirit of schism in the church and destroying its unity,” the church said of the bishop.

Какая боль! Испания-Россия 3-0

Сегодня солнце зашло за тучи, Сегодня волны бьют так больно,
Я видел, как умирает надежда России
Моя душа плачет.

Зачем ты стучишь в мои барабаны?
Зачем ты танцуешь под мои барабаны?
Зачем ты поешь мою песню?
Мне и так больно.

Какая боль! Какая боль!
Испания-Россия 3-0

Kazakhstan makes Colbert's Map of Potential Bombing Targets

Oh and Russia is planning a crystal island...What is the Russian word for tacky?

Politics in Sport? No way...

Josh Patashnik over at the New Republic has an interesting take on Russia’s march through the European Championship:

Russian soccer has been in a two-decade slump--failing to qualify for some tournaments and quickly being eliminated from others--that's mirrored the country's geopolitical funk. So it's not surprising that geopolitics helps explain the team's success this year.

First, everyone roll your eyes and groan. Now, consider:

--Roman Abramovich is personally paying Guus Hiddink’s $4 million salary to coach the Russian team. “Part of a tacit bargain with the Kremlin that keeps Abramovich and others of his ilk from meeting the kind of fate that befell imprisoned tycoon Mikhail Khodorkovsky.”

--Andrei Arshavin, “the team's musically gifted striker who tore up the Dutch defense in Russia's quarterfinal victory, sits on the St. Petersburg city council as a member of Putin's United Russia party,” and Gazprom is paying his salary. "He wants to play for Barcelona,” says Russian Sports Minister Vitaly Mutko, “but I don't think they can pay him more than he earns now."

Patashnik notes, “There are worse things an authoritarian petro-state could spend its money on” but suggests cheering for Spain anyway.

Burma, You Can't Hug Your Cyclone Victims with Russian Nuclear Arms

www.dictatorwatch.org: Russia is providing Burma’s dictatorship, the State Peace and Development Council (SPDC), on its nuclear program and more generally its military modernization. A 10 MW reactor is to be installed in the Kyauk Pa Toe area of Tha Beik Kyin Township, Mandalay Division, by the end of this year. Russia is also providing a factory to produce guided rockets, which will be constructed in Thazi Township in the Pyin Nyaung area on the Shwe Nyaung Railway between Mandalay Division and Southern Shan State. More than 5000 Burmese “State Scholars,” who have already graduated from the Defense Services Academy, are studying in Moscow and St. Petersburg. Their subjects include nuclear science, tunneling science, rocketry, artillery, and a wide variety of other military fields. In return for this assistance, Russia has received mining concessions in Burma for gold, titanium and uranium.

So I don't know if this is true or not, but I'd like to tell Spielberg and Lucas, the above story would have made for a MUCH more interesting plot than the crystal skulls BS. Just saying.

Sharapova Not Allowed to Carry Russian Flag at the Olympics

...because it's for her own good. Now eat your kutlety before they get cold! Davai!

ESPN: Officials have rejected Maria Sharapova's request to carry the Russian flag in the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics so that she can save her energy. "She wanted to be a flag-bearer but I advised against it," Russian tennis chief Shamil Tarpishchev said Wednesday. "I don't want her to spend 3 or 4 hrs in hot weather waiting to march in the opening ceremony. We want her to be fresh, not tired, during her matches."

It seems that these "officials" are most likely a merry-band of babushki worried about their little Masha.

Corruption Inflation

Yesterday, Reuters ran a story on the Kremlin's current drive to address state corruption:

"Medvedev says graft is hindering economic growth and undermining the state, but opposition politicians say he is unlikely to be able to root out a problem that is deeply entrenched in Russian society."

Deeply entrenched? That's a bit cynical. Clearly blat networks are entrenched, as are expediting payments and public perceptions of corruption. But are all the apples bad?

The article goes on to source a "senior Russian prosecutor" who estimates that corrupt officials skim $120 billion a year, or one third of Russia's budget, into their pockets.

Ok then….deeply entrenched it is.

Obama Might Just Pull Off the Russian Mail Order Bride Vote

From the great ellustrator; thank you, Igor. It kind of makes me like Obama more. I'm thinking if some of the mail order brides finally have their citizenship, maybe that's a demographic Obama should try appealing to. Thoughts?

Medvedev Wants to Loot the Kitty

For everyone who has ever taken money from their retirement account and hopped a plane to Vegas, there's a job for you at the Russian Finance Ministry.

Jamestown reports:

"In February of this year, the [oil stabilization] fund, which was created in 2004 as a reserve to ensure that the federal budget could be balanced if the price of oil fell below a cut-off price (currently $27 per barrel), was split into a $129 billion Reserve Fund, which is invested abroad in low-yield securities and retains the Stabilization Fund’s original mandate, and a $33 billion National Welfare Fund (NWF)... That has now changed. Medvedev told the Finance Ministry and Central Bank that it was necessary 'to think about expanding the list of instruments for [the National Welfare Fund’s] investment to include securities of both Russian and foreign issuers.'"

It was only a matter of time, really. More white elephant projects are on their way.

Also, Medvedev doesn't seem to mind that his plan is technically against Russia's own laws, which are designed to protect the fund. But as Aslund and others have pointed out, oil funds were made to be looted.

Czech President Scorns "Europeism", Compares to Esperanto

The Sofia Weekly: EU skeptic Vaclav Klaus, President of the Czech Republic has declared that he was against "Europeism". Klaus stated:

"We should let people living on the European continent live as Czechs, Poles, Italians, Danes. Let's not turn them into "Europeans". This is a faulty project. The difference between the Czech, the Pole, the Italian, the Dane and the European is the same as the difference between the Czech, Polish, Italian, Danish languages and the Esperanto. Europeism equals Esperanto - an artificial, dead language."

While this Remont correspondant understand's Klaus' concerns, s/he can only offer this rebuttal: As long as William Shatner lives, Esperanto is not dead, and for that matter, as long as we can continue netflixing Incubus, Esperanto is not dead. Your move, Klaus!

2 Romanians Arrested in Attempt of Smuggling 1,300 Perfumes in Bulgaria

Alternate Title: Smuggling Bust Leaves Romania Smelling Like Ass...and Ironically, Bulgaria Somehow Retains Its Unique Odor

The Sofia Weekly: 2 Romanian citizens were detained at Bulgaria's border checkpoint of Kapitan Andreevo while trying to smuggle a total of 1,344 vials of perfumes late on Monday. The cosmetic goods were found in a Mercedes bus, driven by the Romanians, aged 25 and 37. They have been transporting the perfumes of famous brands without a permit, issued by the producing companies. All the vials have been seized and legal proceedings were instituted against the two men.

Football Brings Swiss into the Fight, for Once...

Russia’s unexpected victory this weekend over the Netherlands brought out the best in fans throughout Geneva.

As IHT reports, Swiss “police said they had to break up a number of fights in the city center [following the match]…The arrests included Russian and Dutch fans, as well as Swiss nationals.”

Ultimately, 800 ended up in the Klink.

What we've learned: the Swiss won’t take sides in a war, but a quarterfinal match will bring out the football hulligan in anyone.

Next up, Russia will play Spain on Thursday. More hilarity to come, for sure.

Not Seen Since 1948

We’ve been covering this trend for a while now: oil-rich Russians are buying up the world’s art like it is going out of style.

Now it seems that the cash-strapped Berkshire Museum in Massachusetts is more than happy to take their money. As Bloomberg reports, Sotheby's New York will auction three paintings by Boris Grigoriev (''Pipe Players'' pictured) for 73,629 barrels of oil, or $10.3 million.

The paintings have not been seen in public since 1948.

The New Monumental Propaganda???

Yahoonews: A monument to the enema, a procedure many people would rather not think about, has been unveiled at a spa in the southern Russian city of Zheleznovodsk. The bronze syringe bulb, which weighs 800 lbs and is held by 3 angels, was unveiled at the Mashuk-Akva Term spa, the spa's director said Thursday.

"There is no kitsch or obscenity, it is a successful work of art," Alexander Kharchenko told The Associated Press. "An enema is almost a symbol of our region."

Sculptor Svetlana Avakina said she designed the 5-foot-high monument with "irony and humor" and modeled the angels on those in works by Italian Renaissance painter Alessandro Botticelli. "This device is eternal, it will never change," she told the AP. "We could promote this brand, turn it into a franchise with souvenirs and awards for medical doctors."

YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!

The City That They Lost

Ah, the good ol' beer tank, where are you now...

English Russia has posted some rather haunting photos of Moscow in the 1960s. For some reason, these pictures have made me increadibly sad -- least of which because that place no longer exists.

The city that they lost.

Actual Title: Еврейская община обеспокоена слухами о том, что преемник Путина – еврей

WHY IS THIS NEWS OR EVEN AN ISSUE, INOPRESSA?

Российская еврейская община встревожена кампанией, развязанной националистическими партиями, – а именно, слухами о том, будто Дмитрий Медведев, лично подобранный президентом Владимиром Путиным преемник, является евреем по национальности.

Лидеры российской еврейской общины отказываются публично комментировать эти слухи, опасаясь придать им оттенок достоверности. В кулуарах, однако, один из них сказал: "Я молюсь, чтобы это не оказалось правдой, так как это принесет лишь неприятности для него и для нас".

http://www.inopressa.ru/haaretz/2008/02/22/12:08:13/medvedev

What century is it again?

Novaya Gazeta on the Murder Charges

Novaya Gazeta Editor Dmitry Muratov spoke to Interfax after charges were filed in Politkovskaya's murder:

"We believe, as before, that the investigation is on the right track. But one cannot interpret this as an end, or say that the crime has been solved."

However, from this point forward, both Muratov and Novaya Gazeta are going to have a tough time countering the argument that, 'These charges, honored comrades, are a People's victory against the forces of legal nihilism,' etc.

Also quietly missing from the indictment is any mention of Boris Berezovsky. We suppose he didn't have anything to do with the murder after all.

4 Charged with Politkovskaya's Murder

AP: Formal charges were filed Wednesday against 4 men accused in connection with the 2006 killing of journalist Anna Politkovskaya, Russian investigators said. 3 men were charged with involvement in Polikovskaya's murder while an FSB officer from faces charges of extortion and abuse of office. The 4 have been held since their arrests last Aug.

1 suspect, Sergei Khadzhikurbanov, is a former police officer. Two others, brothers Dzhabrail and Ibragim Makhmudov, are from Chechnya. The committee said the charges against the FSB officer, Lt. Col. Pavel Ryaguzov, relate to other crimes. It wasn't immediately clear whether Wednesday's charges were somehow connected to Politkovskya's murder. Authorities previously have accused Ryaguzov of giving Politkovskaya's killers her address.

Russian officials have alleged that Politkovskaya's killing was ordered by someone living outside Russia with the aim of discrediting the Kremlin -- statements that have been interpreted as alluding to Boris Berezovsky. Novaya Gazeta has said the mastermind is likely in Russia.

Aliyev Doesn't Like Che Guevara?

Being a journalist in the land of Eternal Remont is a dangerous job. It's also prone to some dark irony.

This week, CPJ reports that Emin Huseynov, head of Azerbaijan's Institute for Reporters’ Freedom and Safety (IRFS), was arrested, beaten, and hospitalized after losing consciousness...in police custody.

Huseynov crime? Reporting on the 80th birthday Che Guevara, of course.

While in detention, the local cops didn't take kindly to Huseynov's jail house reporting, via cell phone, of his treatment. So Huseynov was taken to the 'special room,' after which he required hospitalization.

However, the entire affair is clearly a case of misunderstanding, since hospital officials report that Huseynov lost consciousness due to a rare condition called "hyperactive nerves." Apparently, this condition also caused Huseynov's concussion and has now made him incapable of walking unaided.

How odd.

By the way, Freedom House reports that Azerbaijan has become one of the "worst performers" in Eastern Europe for press freedom, behind only Belarus and Russia.

All of this is well and good, but it still doesn’t explain why Aliyev's cops don't like Che Guevara. We can only assume it is his association with pot-smoking liberal arts majors – a known subversive demographic for nepotistic oil states.

Zombie Mayor Re-elected in Romania

I think it's fair to say I am Remont's "Senior Correspondant on Zombie Politicians" (to wit).

Okay, so this one isn't really a zombie either, yahoonews: The residents of a Romanian village knowingly voted in a dead man as their mayor in Sunday's municipal election, preferring him to his living opponent. Neculai Ivascu, 57, who ran the village for almost two decades, died from liver disease just after voting began -- but still won the election by a margin of 23 votes. Said a pro-Ivascu villager:

"I know he died, but I don't want change."

In the end, election authorities gave the post to the runner-up, but some villagers and Ivascu's party, the powerful opposition Social Democrat Party (PSD), have called for a new vote.

WorldPublicOpinion.org: The World's Opinion of Putin Is Not So High These Days

A new WorldPublicOpinion.org poll of 20 nations finds that none of the national leaders on the world stage inspire wide confidence. While the W is one of the least trusted leaders, no other leader--including China's Hu Jintao and Russia's Vladimir Putin--has gained a broad international base of support.

Putin remains popular inside Russia as he makes the transition from president to prime minister but has not emerged as an attractive world leader. 11 publics have a negative view of Putin while just 5 are positive (including China) and 3 are divided (including Azerbaijan). On average 32% express confidence in Putin--1 of the highest positive ratings--but a larger 48% do not. No region has predominantly positive views on Putin's global leadership.

Putin appears to have become a divisive figure. Although his ratings have improved slightly since a 2007 poll by the Pew Global Attitudes Project, the large positive movement in certain countries--such as China, where Putin's ratings are up 17 points--is balanced by negative movement in others--such as the US, where his ratings are down 21 pts.

http://www.worldpublicopinion.org/pipa/articles/home_page/488.php?nid=&id=&pnt=488&lb=

Moscow on the Bosphorus

Back in the day, Americas would take the kids to France so they could expierence EuroDisney. Now, oil-rich Russians are the new Americans.

As the NYTimes reports, "One of the most enduring changes in the lives of Russians in recent years has occurred not in Russia itself, but in places like this coastal region of Turkey, where an influx of Russian tourists has given rise to a mini-industry catering to their needs...."

Dried fish and sun tan oil, we assume.

“Nobody believes me when I say this, but the Germans drink even more than the Russians,” said Ali Akgun, a manager at another hotel in the area, the Kemer Holiday Club. “It’s just that the Russians drink a little faster.”

It's a Sad, Sad Day

The eXile is closing down.

RFE/RL: After 11 yrs of providing Moscow readers with investigative journalism, irreverent commentary, and sophomoric gags, the English-language newspaper the "The eXile" is closing down after investors fled in the face of a government inspection of the paper's content.

The alternative tabloid -- known for its Gonzo-style journalism on drugs, sex, politics, and the seamier side of Moscow nightlife -- announced the closure in a blog posted on its website on June 11.

The paper's demise, and the investors' flight, was sparked by a visit on June 6 by inspectors from the Federal Service for Mass Media, Telecommunications, and the Protection of Cultural Heritage.

The eXile brought us such gems as face control and the happy planet guide to Moscow: http://www.exile.ru/articles/detail.php?ARTICLE_ID=19059&IBLOCK_ID=35

You will be missed!!!

Vadim Volkov Gets a Cookie

A decade ago, Vadim Volkov argued that the KGB -- and assorted power ministries -- were rapidly replacing the mafia as the main arbiter of business disputes in Russia. The latest edition of Business Week shows just how far we’ve come. For starters, there’s a pricelist for harassing your competition:

"...[T]he practice is common enough for the Russian press to name the prices corrupt officials allegedly charge for various 'services:' Getting police to open a criminal investigation costs $20,000 to $50,000, an office raid is as much as $30,000, and a favorable court ruling runs anywhere from $10,000 to $200,000."

All of this dovetails nicely with the recent testimony of Senior Federal Arbitration Court Judge Yelena Valyavina, who claimed that the "Kremlin has pressured and threatened the Russian judiciary to secure favorable rulings."

'I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!'

Valyavina's testimony stems from a Kremlin libel suit against journalist Vladimir Solovyov. As it happens, Solovyov was foolish enough to claim, "there are no independent judges in Russia." Sure enough, the very same Kremlin official suing Solovyov also threaded Valyavina after she issued an unfavorable ruling against a Kremlin-controlled company.

This is why Russia is the greatest country in the world. Where else would the government sue a journalist for claiming there is no judicial independence, then list as the plaintiff the very same person responsible for intimidating judges.

Bulgaria to Entice Tourists with Erotic Graffiti

The Sofia Weekly had too many this time to choose just one: Erotic graffiti dating back to the Middle Ages have become the greatest attraction for tourists visiting Bulgaria's medieval capital of Preslav. The drawings are on the eastern fortress wall of Preslav, which was the capital of the First Bulgarian Empire from 893 to 972. The director of the national archaeological reserve, Alexander Gorchev, said that it is not clear who the author of the drawings was, but scientists suppose authorship belongs to Bulgarian soldiers or workers from the 10th century.

Mr Gorchev added that there is an idea to create an "alley of love and sex" in the fortress in order to further popularise the drawings among tourists. "If we consider the artistry of the drawings, we could say the medieval inhabitants of the old Bulgarian capital had elaborate sex lives," Gorchev also said.

Just Because You Joined the EU...

...doesn't mean you get to eat...or procreate and live long. Lesson learned, Eastern Europe. Lesson learned.

The Sofia Weekly: EUROSTAT research shows Bulgaria ranks first among all member states of the European Union in the percentage growth of food prices. The data shows food prices in the poorest EU member state went up 25% between April 2007 and April 2008. Bulgaria is followed Latvia and Estonia.

Also, according to EUROSTAT, Bulgaria's population dropped 8% in the last 10 yrs, which places the country dead last on population growth. Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Romania, Hungary, and Croatia also have negative values for population growth, whereas Ireland, Cyprus, and Luxembourg rank 1st. The EU population as a whole rose 3,4%. Ouch...

Moldova: The 6th Worst Place On Earth...

...if you are a woman.

That's according to Foreign Policy Magazine's new list.

Moldova is a major source country for women trafficked into prostitution....some government officials and police officers have even been complicit in trafficking. But things might be looking up: The first female prime minister took office this year.

Even in it's treatment of women, Moldova can't win for loosing. But for the first time, that's a good thing.

The top five:

1) Haiti

2) Yemen

3) Sierra Leone

4) Nepal

5) Papua New Guinea

We Should Consider Getting In on this Venture

Silly, but it's Friday, so why not?

Russian Office Rampage

Last week, some fellow in Russia lost it at work. His colleagues obviously thought this was important enough to share with the world.

At first you think, ‘bah -- it’s a fake,’ but that level of hatred for a copy machine can’t be faked.

For everyone who's ever had a rough day at work, we can all be glad it didn't end with a taser.





(Also, someone from the office has been nice enough to provide a second camera angle, this time with sound.)

Bakiyev can't get rid of [US] roommate...

Relations between the US and Kyrgyzstan have been on ice ever since an American serviceman shot Alexander Ivanov -- Kyrgyzstan’s champion knife thrower -- in 2006.

Before you ask, Ivanov did bring a knife to a gun fight -- with predictable results.

Jamestown now reports that, aside from regularly scheduled outbursts of public anti-Americanism, members of Kyrgyzstan’s own intelligence service are convince that the “U.S. might be sponsoring terrorism,” or worse, “[seeks] to establish political control over Central Asia.” Poor intelligence resources and limited exposure to non-Russian news are driving these perceptions, according to Jamestown.

Despite the quiet opinions of his intelligence services, President Bakiyev's key dilemma remains the slowing economy and surging inflation, now up to 25% year-on-year. Meanwhile, Kyrgyz citizens must grapple with sky-rocketing prices for gas & food, as the government imposes new measures to ration electricity.

Ay, there's the rub.

Kyrgyzstan may have grown tired of American troops at the Manas Airport, but the government relies upon rent from the US to pay the bills. So for now, the uncomfortable roommate situation remains.

Gorbachev Fears Zombie Lenin

Well not really, yahoonews: The embalmed body of Lenin should be moved from Red Square and buried, Gorbachev said on Wednesday. Lenin died on January 21, 1924 and despite the pleas of relatives, his body was embalmed and placed in a mausoleum on Red Square in the shadow of the Kremlin walls. His body is still on public display. Opponents say the ghosts of the USSR should be put to rest and that Lenin, an atheist known by his patronymic, Ilych, be given a proper burial.

"My view is as follows -- we should not be occupied right now with grave digging. But we will necessarily come to a time when the mausoleum will have lost its meaning and we will bury Ilych, give him up to the earth as his family had wanted," Gorbachev told reporters. "I think the time will come ... it will happen."

Real Headline: "Another drunk baby born in Poland"

Another one? This is a trend, now?

According to Polskieradio: "A 25-year-old heavily intoxicated woman has given birth to a baby in a hospital in Trzebnica, south-west Poland. The amount of alcohol in the newborn's blood was 4 times the legal limit, and 5 times the legal limit in its mother's blood."

For the record, the legal blood alcohol limit in Poland is a draconian .02, and that's just for driving. Nobody said anything about child birth. What's more, 4x the legal limit in Poland translates to a measly .08, or the minimum level for Nick Nolte to function properly.

Since the newborn is clearly not going to be driving home from the hospital, lets hold off calling this woman a "bad mother."

What's Old Is -- Yeah, It's New Again

The NYTimes has a mildly disturbing article on the Kremlin's new plan to mute public dissent: digitally erase political critics from television.

"Not only were his remarks cut — he was also digitally erased from the show, like a disgraced comrade airbrushed from an old Soviet photo."

President Aliyev's "New Jobs"

Life for President Aliyev jr. has been going pretty well.

For starters, Azerbaijan announced that oil exports for January – April were up 37.8%. This prompted Aliyev to boast of a 20% increase in total oil production for 2008.

What's more, the inflow of oil riches allowed the government to claim it created a whopping 650,000 new jobs last year -- a key part of Aliyev's re-election campaign.

Unfortunately for the government, its own numbers don’t add up.

As Eurasianet notes, over the last five years, “only 154,000 individuals have been registered to pay into the social insurance system.” So someone has been lying.

"If there are so many new jobs, why don’t they increase my retirement pension?" said one retieree.

Back at the Ministry of Economic Development, Spokesperson Abbas Aliyev (relation?) claims that there is a perfectly reasonable explanation: “A certain number of employed people conceal their employment to avoid paying social insurance fees."

Well, at least 496,000 certain someones. Azeris, it seems, don't take kindly to paying their taxes. Why should they? Oil is $125-ish and the government will just pump more. It's worked thus far, how could the scheme fail?

Bulgarian City Rules on the Armenian Genocide

...and brilliantly avoids the word "Turkey".

Sofia Weekly: The District Administrative Court in Bulgaria's Danube city of Ruse rejected Friday the appeals against the declaration of the City Council recognizing the Armenian genocide in the Ottoman Empire. The appeals were tabled to the Court by the Ruse District Governor Mariya Dimova, and by city counselors from the ethnic Turkish Movement for Rights and Freedoms party. The Court ruling states that the declaration recognizing the genocide over Armenians and Bulgarians in the Ottoman Empire could not be disputed because it was not an administrative act, it was only declarative, and had no legal consequences. The declaration recognizing the Armenian Genocide in the Ottoman Empire between 1915 and 1922 was adopted by the Ruse City Council on April 17.

Macedonia Tries to Vote

Macedonia tried to hold a parliamentary election over the weekend. The operateive word here is tried.

After the dust settled, incumbent Nikola Gruevski and his "Internal Macedonian Revolutionary Organization – Democratic Party for National Unity" claimed victory in a 48% - 22% drubbing of the opposition Social Democratic Party.

Unfortunately, violence and vote tampering were the big themes of the day, as international election monitors had to withdraw from at least 30 locations due to gunfire and violence at the polls.

In most countries, voters bring their registration cards to vote. In parts of Macedonia, they bring guns.

As RFE/RL reports, "One man was killed and nine wounded in violence among ethnic Albanians on election day. Gunfire halted voting in one town. Ballot boxes went missing. Two election officials were held briefly by gunmen before being freed unharmed by police."

Meanwhle, British MP Denis McShane --who was on hand to observe this goat rodeo for the Council of Europe -- didn’t have many nice things to say: ”Very clearly, this election needs to be re-run, in whole or in part, under much stricter supervision.”

Next stop: NATO.