"East Europe's Spam Economy Threatened"

Spam Crackdown Threatens Koy4Goff's Penis Enlarger, Free iPod Industry

Sure it's satire, but The Onion remains America's finest news source.

To get out of crisis

you'd better marry a Prince.

At least that's the new recovery plan for Belarus. A Belarussian scientist, Ruslan Novitsky, has recommended that businessmen invest in frog breeding in order to speed economic recovery. Apparently frogs, are a little mentioned Belarussian natural resource.

Perhaps it is small minded to question whether frog breeding would truly bring in the bags of money Novitsky claims the Belarussian government could expect from this program. Not surprisingly, many Belarussian businessmen seem to share my skepticism that kissing this frog would save them from financial difficulties.

The Holodomor Debate Continues

Yahoo: Russia issued a DVD and a thick book of historical documents on Wednesday to dispute claims that the Ukrainian famine of the 1930s amounted to genocide.

Russian archivists and historians are claiming that the Stalin-era famine — which killed millions of people — was a common tragedy across Soviet farmlands, countering efforts by Ukrainian President Yushchenko to convince the world that Ukrainians were targeted for starvation.

"Not a single document exists that even indirectly shows that the strategy and tactics chosen for Ukraine differed from those applied to other regions, not to mention tactics or strategy with the aim of genocide," said Vladimir Kozlov, head of Russia's Federal Archive Agency.

I gotta get my hands on this DVD...

The Myths About Russia

Our good friends at Rossiyskaya Gazeta have paid for another insert in the Washington Post. Some awesome highlights:

--Medvedev thinks its time to protect journalists in Russia (right after he transforms the country into a nation of laws, we assume).

--Putin wants “Solutions and Ideas, not the Blame Game” over the economic collapse. And yes, before you ask, this is the very same crisis which Putin insists on calling the “American economic crisis” everytime he speaks in public.

--Finally, the editors offer a lovely interview with Vladimir Medinsky who just authored a new book dispelling the "Myths About Russia." In his book, Medinsky argues that Westerners falsely believe:

"Everything in Russia is either bad or wrong – dreadful roads, endemic alcoholism, and idleness, corruption and pilfering, mud and poor sanitation, and an inherent lack of democratic culture…”

Instead, Medinsky argues that everything which I, and many of the contributors to ER have seen, lived and experienced first hand in Russia are all myths created to perpetuate “the Russian threat.” Medinsky is especially concerned by the myths of a “savage Russia” which emerged around the time that Stalin murdered 40 million people and imprisoned one eighth of the country's population.

To be fair, I have always suspected that Russia’s poor roads, heartbreaking alcoholism, open corruption, poor sanitation, disregard for the law (ever seen a person murdered by placing their head in the door jam of a Mercedes M class?), and the inherent lack of democratic culture were all part of a vast international conspiracy to discredit Russia.

But thanks to Medinsky, it is all perfectly clear.

Bulgarian grandmaster breaks chess marathon record

Eastern Europeans, when will you break this stereotype of being chess geniuses?

Yahoo: Yesterday, Bulgarian grandmaster Kiril Georgiev managed to break the world record for the largest number of simultaneous chess games played. Georgiev played a total of 360 games simultaneously and wrapped up his chess marathon within 14 hours and 8 minutes.

He registered only six losses and some 70 draws, winning the rest of the games. My favorite part: his opponents ranged from children to pensioners.

So Russia-China relations might not be as good as we thought...

This makes zero sense to me.

New York Times: A senior Chinese Foreign Ministry official said Friday that Russia had an unacceptable response after 1 of its warships sank a Chinese cargo vessel last Saturday. The warship fired 500 rounds at the vessel, sinking it in stormy Russian waters near the eastern port city of Vladivostok. 7 sailors are still missing (AKA dead).

Li Hui, the deputy foreign minister, has expressed “strong dissatisfaction” with the way Russia has handled the episode, and has accused Russia of not making strong enough efforts to save the drowning sailors.

On Thursday, the Russian Foreign Ministry said the captain of the Chinese ship was to blame for the sinking and that the ship had earlier been chased by two Russian Coast Guard vessels, but refused to stop despite being fired upon.

Neither the Chinese nor Russian governments have fully explained why Russian ships were pursuing the Chinese vessel.

WTF?

Bulgaria Goes Patriot Act on Us

I'm so proud. :_)

Sofia Weekly: The Members of the Bulgarian Parliament decided Thursday that Internet messages and phone conversations can be traced only if they are suspicions of serious crimes or computer crimes.

The MPs adopted the final changes and version of the Electronic Messages Act. They rejected the controversial text that allowed the Interior Ministry to trace email and phone conversation any time they deem such tracing necessary.

The article does not mention what constitutes suspicious behavior. I'm sure it will work out fine though.

Ireland "Captures" Country's Worst Driver: Mr. Prawo Jazdy

For years now, Irish cops have been looking for a "Mr. Prawo Jazdy." Presumably a Polish national, this person has broken just about every rule of the road, but never appeared to face the charges and always evaded capture. A criminal mastermind, you say? Not so much. "Prawo Jazdy" is Polish for "Driver's Licence."

"It is quite embarrassing to see that the [police database ] has created Prawo Jazdy as a person with over 50 identities."

Payback, we assume, for all those Polish jokes.

(Thanks Amichka, for the tip.)

Georgia's Secret Weapon

DISCO!



That's right, Putin, didn't see that coming did you? Foreign Policy Blog reports Georgia is entering the 2009 Eurovision Song Contest with a ridiculously obvious jab at Putin set to a disco beat. What do they say in the chorus? Glad you asked.

We don't wanna Putin/the negative move/is killing the groove

I'm a try to shoot him/some disco tonight/boogie with you.

Yeah this will go over well in Moscow, which happens to be where the contest is being held this year. Seriously, Georgia, this is so awful. Is this what you did with the $4.5 billion?

Extinction is not just for Siberian tigers anymore

Not funny or that pertinent, but pretty interesting...

According to UNESCO, 2500 languages are threatened with extinction. The world has lost Ubykh in Turkey and last year Alaska's last native speaker of Eyak, Marie Smith Jones, died, taking the aboriginal language with her. Yes, I consider Turkey part of the region, and why not include Alaska? It used to be Russia.

There are 199 languages in the world spoken by fewer than a dozen people, including Karaim which has 6 speakers in Ukraine. According to Wikipedia, The Karaim language is a Turkic language with Hebrew influences, in a similar manner to Yiddish or Ladino. And apparently even though there are only 6 speakers left, there are 3 dialects of the language. Really? 6 people can't agree on how to pronounce a language? Really?

Acquitted!

Rank injustice has many names. In Russia, their names are Dzhabrail Makhmudov, Ibragim Makhmudov and Sergei Khadzhikurbanov.

Politkovskaya suspects acquitted.

Yankee Go Home

As Ern notes, the Kyrgyz are drawing up eviction papers for the Manas Airbase. Alas, it appears that all the hard work from the U.S. Air Force's “Manas Air Base Outreach Society” to visit children at the Bishkek Institue of Cardiology didn’t warm as many hearts and minds as hoped. It turns out that buckets full of cash are more uselful at building soft-power than intentially loosing a game of checker's to a child recovering from heart surgury.

Go figure.

So in honor of everyone’s favorite (soon to be abandoned) Central Asian outpost, we give you a look-back at all the fun and hilarity spawned when you mix drunk Americans, Kyrgyz knife throwing champions, a war on terror, and the great game. Enjoy....

Kyrgyz Man Brings Knife to Gun Fight, Meets Predictable End

Kyrgyzstan Wants More Money, Again

6 machine guns, 25 assault rifles and dozens of smaller firearms...

More Trouble for Manas Airbase

The Day the War on Terror Died

It's official, well almost: Today, Kyrgyzstan's parliament voted to close a key U.S. air base in the country — a move that could certainly hamper Obama's efforts to increase the number of U.S. forces in Afghanistan, assuming the hope hocker doesn't completely sell out and try to strike a deal with Uzbekistan, a country well known for its love of human rights (that's me being sarcastic).

Deputies voted 78-1 for the government-backed bill to cancel the lease agreement on the Manas air base, a transit point for 15,000 troops and 500 tons of cargo each month to and from Afghanistan. Two deputies abstained. Whoever "1" is, he is totally badass or is pretty funny.

If President Bakiyev signs the bill and Kyrgyz authorities issue an eviction notice, the United States will have 180 days to vacate the base. That's 6 months. We have 6 months to eliminate terrorism and establish democracy in Afghanistan. 1-2-3 GO!

First They Cheat Their Way to Olympic Gymanstic Gold

Now they're funding the Russians. China just likes to push my buttons. Mostly, I'm still bitter about the Olympics...

Anyway, the Financial Times is reporting that Russia has won $25bn in loans from China in return for agreeing to supply oil from new fields in eastern Siberia for the next 20 years as Moscow seeks funds to see its oil industry through the financial crisis.

A 20 year plan, Russia? What happened to speeding up history and embracing your Soviet glory days? I expect a new 5 year plan on my desk by the afternoon.

The deal, the largest trade financing agreement between the 2 countries, alleviates the massive refinancing needs of Russia’s 2 state energy giants as they seek to weather the credit crisis with the country facing its first recession in 10 years.

I wonder if we could work out some sort of "let's get through the recession" dealie with Canada. What the heck are they doing up there anyway? When is ice hockey season over?

Thanks to Patrick Thomas over at Zzzeitgeist for directing me to the story.

Equal Opportunity Ugly

Daniel Tilles from Krakow, Poland raised an important point in this month's issue of The Economist which I think all Remont followers will feel strongly about. According to Daniel, photographs of East Europeans featured in The Economist have perpetuated stereotypical images of babas wrapped up on the streets rather than "the dentally challenged villager" demographic group (pictured above according to the author's information). I'm not sure if Daniel's defense of the dentally challenged is an objection to the media avoiding less attractive subjects to immortalize in print, which would indeed be an injustice unless I am reading the paper with a meal.

This editorial then goes on to helpfully suggest several other underrepresented demographics: "Roma using horse-drawn carts on main roads, elderly veterans in Soviet-style uniforms and furry hats and vodka-soaked vagrants would broaden the picture."Such pictures would surely go a long way towards destroying stereotypes about Eastern Europeans. Perhaps including pictures of bureaucrats taking bribes and angry youths with shaved heads chain-smoking should be added to his list?

Bad Human Material

The Sofia Weekly: Four retired Bulgarian women staged a protest for before the building of the Sofia Municipality Tuesday against the statement of the Mayor Borisov in Chicago last week claiming the country's main problem was its "bad human material" which includes the Roma, Turks, and pensioners.

The protesting retirees carried signs reading, "I Am from THE Material", and "I Am a Worthy Bulgarian."

I can only assume that the other 1,276,168 pensioners did not protest because they do believe they are bad material and unworthy Bulgarians, and Mayor Borisov did not help their low esteem any. So sad.

Reversal of Fortune

While Russia’s tentative middle class has suffered dearly amidst the economic downturn, our hearts really go out to the country’s hyper-rich. They’ve lost billions.

According to a 2009 list by the magazine Finans:

--Oleg Deripaska has lost 85 percent of his wealth – from $40 billion to $4.9 billion.
--Roman Abramovich has lost just under half of his fortune, from $23 billion to a mere $13.9
--Vladimir Lisin, who owns NLMK, is down 65 percent to $7.7 billion.
--Alexei Mordashov over at Severstal is down 81 percent to $4.1 billion.

However, not everyone was a looser last year. Mikhail Prokhorov has actually made money after he sold his stake in Norilsk Nickel (at the height of the commodities boom). Prokhorov’s personal fortune went from $14.1 billion to $21.5 billion. Maybe now he’ll be able to fund his dream-child, a magazine-social networking forum called Snob.

Although, at the rate things are going, he may be the only reader.

This is why we should be working together!

If this debris knocks out any important television stations...Let's start cooperating and stop fighting over bases in Central Asia, guys. No one wants to miss Big Love, okay.

YahooNews: Debris from this week's satellite collision could circle Earth for up to 10,000 years, threatening many other satellites in an already-crowded area, Russia's Mission Control chief said Friday.

Vladimir Solovyov said Tuesday's smashup of a derelict Russian military satellite and a working U.S. Iridium commercial satellite occurred some 500 miles (800 kilometers) above Earth — the busiest part of near-Earth space.

Retraction...ish

On February 11, I may have mentioned that crime pays.

It turns out the US and Russia have had enough. According to YahooNews, U.S. Navy and Russian warships arrested 26 suspected Somali pirates this week, while a maritime watchdog warned on Friday that pirates are stepping up attacks as weather improves in the waters off East Africa.

The latest arrests came Thursday, when an American helicopter from the USS Vella Gulf fired warning shots at gunmen in two skiffs that had opened fire and tried to board the Indian-flagged vessel Premdivya.

Separately, the Russian navy said Friday its nuclear-powered heavy missile cruiser Peter The Great detained 10 Somali pirates closing in on an Iranian-flagged fishing trawler. Russian military prosecutors were questioning the men, who were caught on Thursday with rifles, grenade-launchers, illegal narcotics and a large sum of money, the navy said.

Nice. I can't wait for the A&E Reality TV Show: Smoke on the Water.

"Clean-shaven, mildly perfumed, prim, polite, delicate...

..., non-smoker, teetotaler, a good fellow and a family guy..." This is apparently what a Russian police officer must embody. I don't know how to put this politely, so I'm just going to come out and say it. I don't know one Russian man who fits this mold. Delicate? Teetotaler?

Last week, Interior Minister Rashid Nurgaliev presented the “Professional ethics code for officials of the internal affairs agencies of the Russian Federation,” whic includes the aforementioned description.

The code is a comprehensive instruction for every aspect of a police officer’s life: from looks and posture, to not taking bribes, and even to loving his or her spouse. It will tell how to decorate your study (with modesty and a sense of proportion), how to communicate with foreigners (avoid discussion of politics and keep in mind the language barrier), and how to respect one’s uniform (go shopping or gambling in a casino only in plainclothes, unless your duty says otherwise).

Human rights activists branded the document senseless, because existing legislation was more than enough to improve the work of law enforcers. More to the point, the problem was never having substantial guidelines, but actually following the guidelines. Given the Russian inclination to disregard rules, maybe a better move would have been to make it a rule that policemen be hairy, smelly, unkempt, rough, chain-smoking alcoholics with multiple mistresses. Just a thought.

Thanks to Graham Dumas for directing me to this hilarious Russia Today story.