Dec 4, 2006

Looking to Islam? Igor Considers a Modest Proposal

In their latest edition, The Exile editors offer the most convincing answer to Russia's post-Soviet search for a "national idea" to date: namely, a mass conversion to Islam.

According to The Exile: "It's a perfect fit. When one thinks of Islam, one imagines overcrowded slums, angry youths, poverty, corruption, and Third World disorder, and, yes, dusky-hued hordes. Russia, on the other hand, has more white people than any European nation, yet it is shunned by Europeans, which don't really consider Russia to be part of their civilization... But by switching to Islam, Russians would instantly become the White Gods of the Islamic world, the barons of a billion-strong demographic."

This is a brilliant idea, way better than that "sovereign democracy" crap Mr. Surkov has been punting about lately. So brilliant, in fact, the Kremlin has already gotten a head start in the recent years by:

1) Joining the Organization of the Islamic Conference, despite having only 15% Muslim population (the requirement is at least 50%). They got "observer status" as a consolation prize. Of course, once Putin finally heeds the advice of the Exile, a full membership shouldn't be an issue...

2) Shutting down newspapers with headshots of the Prophet Muhammad... just days before that peace-loving organization known as Hamas (in the West, we use a slightly different term, "terrorists") comes to Moscow to talk business.

Last but not least:

3) Continuously supplying their Muslim brethren in Syria and Iran with weapons to fight the "infidel armies."

Interestingly enough, Ayatollah Khomeini has already tried this strategy in 1989, in a letter (the mullahs truly do love epistolary pursuits) to one Mr. Mikhail Sergeevich Gorbachev. Sensing an opportune moment, with the Soviet Union collapsing and all, the glorious leader of the revolution wrote:

"I wish you to seriously investigate Islam – not because Islam or the Muslims need you, but because Islam can bring comfort and salvation to all people and solve the problems of all nations."

Gorbachev never wrote back (must've been at a summit in Scandinavia somewhere), but Russian people, shockingly, chose democracy and freedom instead.But since Mr. Putin already mentioned in 2005 (in a speech to the Chechen parliament) that Russia is "the staunchest defender and best friend of the Muslim world", EternalRemont assumes the Russian leadership has finally come to their senses and the "Islamization of Russia" process is under way...

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