Move Over Armenian Genocide...

...the Ukrainian Genocide is totally the hippest unrecognized genocide now. Who could deny the Holodomor when there's a starvation torch being passed around the globe? Well, Britain, the US, Germany, and Russia to name a few. The UN will not be recognizing Holodomor this year despite Ukraine's best PR efforts. Russia just didn't want it more. :(

Podrobnosti.ua: Президент Мирового конгресса украинцев Аскольд Лозинский заявляет, что в новой резолюции ООН по поводу Голодомора 1932-33 годов скорее всего не будет упоминания о геноциде украинского народа. По словам Лозинского, Великобритания вместе с Соединенными Штатами, Германией и Россией принадлежит к странам, которые пока не готовы признать Голодомор актом геноцида против украинского народа.

Напомним, что ранее глава политического комитета ПАСЕ, депутат из Швеции Йоран Линдблад сообщил, что Парламентская Ассамблея Совета Европы будет изучать последствия Голодомора на территории всего Советского Союза, а не только в Украине. Это он объяснил тем, что российская делегация в ПАСЕ лучше лоббировала свою позицию, чем украинцы.

Russian Bishop Threatened with "Defrocking"

Dramatization of a defrocking.

NY TIMES: A bishop who accused leaders of the Russian Orthodox Church of forming an inappropriate alliance with the Kremlin will be defrocked unless he repents, clerics ruled. Bishop Diomid, who has also spoken out against ecumenical ties with other Christian faiths, had to be disciplined because he was trying to create a split within the church, the Russian Orthodox Church said in a statement. Many Russian Orthodox believers are sensitive about any sign that the church is compromising its independence from the Kremlin, especially because under Soviet rule senior clerics were recruited by the Communist authorities as collaborators. “With his appeals and statements, he is cultivating the spirit of schism in the church and destroying its unity,” the church said of the bishop.

Какая боль! Испания-Россия 3-0

Сегодня солнце зашло за тучи, Сегодня волны бьют так больно,
Я видел, как умирает надежда России
Моя душа плачет.

Зачем ты стучишь в мои барабаны?
Зачем ты танцуешь под мои барабаны?
Зачем ты поешь мою песню?
Мне и так больно.

Какая боль! Какая боль!
Испания-Россия 3-0

Kazakhstan makes Colbert's Map of Potential Bombing Targets

Oh and Russia is planning a crystal island...What is the Russian word for tacky?

Politics in Sport? No way...

Josh Patashnik over at the New Republic has an interesting take on Russia’s march through the European Championship:

Russian soccer has been in a two-decade slump--failing to qualify for some tournaments and quickly being eliminated from others--that's mirrored the country's geopolitical funk. So it's not surprising that geopolitics helps explain the team's success this year.

First, everyone roll your eyes and groan. Now, consider:

--Roman Abramovich is personally paying Guus Hiddink’s $4 million salary to coach the Russian team. “Part of a tacit bargain with the Kremlin that keeps Abramovich and others of his ilk from meeting the kind of fate that befell imprisoned tycoon Mikhail Khodorkovsky.”

--Andrei Arshavin, “the team's musically gifted striker who tore up the Dutch defense in Russia's quarterfinal victory, sits on the St. Petersburg city council as a member of Putin's United Russia party,” and Gazprom is paying his salary. "He wants to play for Barcelona,” says Russian Sports Minister Vitaly Mutko, “but I don't think they can pay him more than he earns now."

Patashnik notes, “There are worse things an authoritarian petro-state could spend its money on” but suggests cheering for Spain anyway.

Burma, You Can't Hug Your Cyclone Victims with Russian Nuclear Arms

www.dictatorwatch.org: Russia is providing Burma’s dictatorship, the State Peace and Development Council (SPDC), on its nuclear program and more generally its military modernization. A 10 MW reactor is to be installed in the Kyauk Pa Toe area of Tha Beik Kyin Township, Mandalay Division, by the end of this year. Russia is also providing a factory to produce guided rockets, which will be constructed in Thazi Township in the Pyin Nyaung area on the Shwe Nyaung Railway between Mandalay Division and Southern Shan State. More than 5000 Burmese “State Scholars,” who have already graduated from the Defense Services Academy, are studying in Moscow and St. Petersburg. Their subjects include nuclear science, tunneling science, rocketry, artillery, and a wide variety of other military fields. In return for this assistance, Russia has received mining concessions in Burma for gold, titanium and uranium.

So I don't know if this is true or not, but I'd like to tell Spielberg and Lucas, the above story would have made for a MUCH more interesting plot than the crystal skulls BS. Just saying.

Sharapova Not Allowed to Carry Russian Flag at the Olympics

...because it's for her own good. Now eat your kutlety before they get cold! Davai!

ESPN: Officials have rejected Maria Sharapova's request to carry the Russian flag in the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics so that she can save her energy. "She wanted to be a flag-bearer but I advised against it," Russian tennis chief Shamil Tarpishchev said Wednesday. "I don't want her to spend 3 or 4 hrs in hot weather waiting to march in the opening ceremony. We want her to be fresh, not tired, during her matches."

It seems that these "officials" are most likely a merry-band of babushki worried about their little Masha.

Corruption Inflation

Yesterday, Reuters ran a story on the Kremlin's current drive to address state corruption:

"Medvedev says graft is hindering economic growth and undermining the state, but opposition politicians say he is unlikely to be able to root out a problem that is deeply entrenched in Russian society."

Deeply entrenched? That's a bit cynical. Clearly blat networks are entrenched, as are expediting payments and public perceptions of corruption. But are all the apples bad?

The article goes on to source a "senior Russian prosecutor" who estimates that corrupt officials skim $120 billion a year, or one third of Russia's budget, into their pockets.

Ok then….deeply entrenched it is.

Obama Might Just Pull Off the Russian Mail Order Bride Vote

From the great ellustrator; thank you, Igor. It kind of makes me like Obama more. I'm thinking if some of the mail order brides finally have their citizenship, maybe that's a demographic Obama should try appealing to. Thoughts?

Medvedev Wants to Loot the Kitty

For everyone who has ever taken money from their retirement account and hopped a plane to Vegas, there's a job for you at the Russian Finance Ministry.

Jamestown reports:

"In February of this year, the [oil stabilization] fund, which was created in 2004 as a reserve to ensure that the federal budget could be balanced if the price of oil fell below a cut-off price (currently $27 per barrel), was split into a $129 billion Reserve Fund, which is invested abroad in low-yield securities and retains the Stabilization Fund’s original mandate, and a $33 billion National Welfare Fund (NWF)... That has now changed. Medvedev told the Finance Ministry and Central Bank that it was necessary 'to think about expanding the list of instruments for [the National Welfare Fund’s] investment to include securities of both Russian and foreign issuers.'"

It was only a matter of time, really. More white elephant projects are on their way.

Also, Medvedev doesn't seem to mind that his plan is technically against Russia's own laws, which are designed to protect the fund. But as Aslund and others have pointed out, oil funds were made to be looted.

Czech President Scorns "Europeism", Compares to Esperanto

The Sofia Weekly: EU skeptic Vaclav Klaus, President of the Czech Republic has declared that he was against "Europeism". Klaus stated:

"We should let people living on the European continent live as Czechs, Poles, Italians, Danes. Let's not turn them into "Europeans". This is a faulty project. The difference between the Czech, the Pole, the Italian, the Dane and the European is the same as the difference between the Czech, Polish, Italian, Danish languages and the Esperanto. Europeism equals Esperanto - an artificial, dead language."

While this Remont correspondant understand's Klaus' concerns, s/he can only offer this rebuttal: As long as William Shatner lives, Esperanto is not dead, and for that matter, as long as we can continue netflixing Incubus, Esperanto is not dead. Your move, Klaus!

2 Romanians Arrested in Attempt of Smuggling 1,300 Perfumes in Bulgaria

Alternate Title: Smuggling Bust Leaves Romania Smelling Like Ass...and Ironically, Bulgaria Somehow Retains Its Unique Odor

The Sofia Weekly: 2 Romanian citizens were detained at Bulgaria's border checkpoint of Kapitan Andreevo while trying to smuggle a total of 1,344 vials of perfumes late on Monday. The cosmetic goods were found in a Mercedes bus, driven by the Romanians, aged 25 and 37. They have been transporting the perfumes of famous brands without a permit, issued by the producing companies. All the vials have been seized and legal proceedings were instituted against the two men.

Football Brings Swiss into the Fight, for Once...

Russia’s unexpected victory this weekend over the Netherlands brought out the best in fans throughout Geneva.

As IHT reports, Swiss “police said they had to break up a number of fights in the city center [following the match]…The arrests included Russian and Dutch fans, as well as Swiss nationals.”

Ultimately, 800 ended up in the Klink.

What we've learned: the Swiss won’t take sides in a war, but a quarterfinal match will bring out the football hulligan in anyone.

Next up, Russia will play Spain on Thursday. More hilarity to come, for sure.

Not Seen Since 1948

We’ve been covering this trend for a while now: oil-rich Russians are buying up the world’s art like it is going out of style.

Now it seems that the cash-strapped Berkshire Museum in Massachusetts is more than happy to take their money. As Bloomberg reports, Sotheby's New York will auction three paintings by Boris Grigoriev (''Pipe Players'' pictured) for 73,629 barrels of oil, or $10.3 million.

The paintings have not been seen in public since 1948.

The New Monumental Propaganda???

Yahoonews: A monument to the enema, a procedure many people would rather not think about, has been unveiled at a spa in the southern Russian city of Zheleznovodsk. The bronze syringe bulb, which weighs 800 lbs and is held by 3 angels, was unveiled at the Mashuk-Akva Term spa, the spa's director said Thursday.

"There is no kitsch or obscenity, it is a successful work of art," Alexander Kharchenko told The Associated Press. "An enema is almost a symbol of our region."

Sculptor Svetlana Avakina said she designed the 5-foot-high monument with "irony and humor" and modeled the angels on those in works by Italian Renaissance painter Alessandro Botticelli. "This device is eternal, it will never change," she told the AP. "We could promote this brand, turn it into a franchise with souvenirs and awards for medical doctors."

YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!

The City That They Lost

Ah, the good ol' beer tank, where are you now...

English Russia has posted some rather haunting photos of Moscow in the 1960s. For some reason, these pictures have made me increadibly sad -- least of which because that place no longer exists.

The city that they lost.

Actual Title: Еврейская община обеспокоена слухами о том, что преемник Путина – еврей

WHY IS THIS NEWS OR EVEN AN ISSUE, INOPRESSA?

Российская еврейская община встревожена кампанией, развязанной националистическими партиями, – а именно, слухами о том, будто Дмитрий Медведев, лично подобранный президентом Владимиром Путиным преемник, является евреем по национальности.

Лидеры российской еврейской общины отказываются публично комментировать эти слухи, опасаясь придать им оттенок достоверности. В кулуарах, однако, один из них сказал: "Я молюсь, чтобы это не оказалось правдой, так как это принесет лишь неприятности для него и для нас".

http://www.inopressa.ru/haaretz/2008/02/22/12:08:13/medvedev

What century is it again?

Novaya Gazeta on the Murder Charges

Novaya Gazeta Editor Dmitry Muratov spoke to Interfax after charges were filed in Politkovskaya's murder:

"We believe, as before, that the investigation is on the right track. But one cannot interpret this as an end, or say that the crime has been solved."

However, from this point forward, both Muratov and Novaya Gazeta are going to have a tough time countering the argument that, 'These charges, honored comrades, are a People's victory against the forces of legal nihilism,' etc.

Also quietly missing from the indictment is any mention of Boris Berezovsky. We suppose he didn't have anything to do with the murder after all.

4 Charged with Politkovskaya's Murder

AP: Formal charges were filed Wednesday against 4 men accused in connection with the 2006 killing of journalist Anna Politkovskaya, Russian investigators said. 3 men were charged with involvement in Polikovskaya's murder while an FSB officer from faces charges of extortion and abuse of office. The 4 have been held since their arrests last Aug.

1 suspect, Sergei Khadzhikurbanov, is a former police officer. Two others, brothers Dzhabrail and Ibragim Makhmudov, are from Chechnya. The committee said the charges against the FSB officer, Lt. Col. Pavel Ryaguzov, relate to other crimes. It wasn't immediately clear whether Wednesday's charges were somehow connected to Politkovskya's murder. Authorities previously have accused Ryaguzov of giving Politkovskaya's killers her address.

Russian officials have alleged that Politkovskaya's killing was ordered by someone living outside Russia with the aim of discrediting the Kremlin -- statements that have been interpreted as alluding to Boris Berezovsky. Novaya Gazeta has said the mastermind is likely in Russia.

Aliyev Doesn't Like Che Guevara?

Being a journalist in the land of Eternal Remont is a dangerous job. It's also prone to some dark irony.

This week, CPJ reports that Emin Huseynov, head of Azerbaijan's Institute for Reporters’ Freedom and Safety (IRFS), was arrested, beaten, and hospitalized after losing consciousness...in police custody.

Huseynov crime? Reporting on the 80th birthday Che Guevara, of course.

While in detention, the local cops didn't take kindly to Huseynov's jail house reporting, via cell phone, of his treatment. So Huseynov was taken to the 'special room,' after which he required hospitalization.

However, the entire affair is clearly a case of misunderstanding, since hospital officials report that Huseynov lost consciousness due to a rare condition called "hyperactive nerves." Apparently, this condition also caused Huseynov's concussion and has now made him incapable of walking unaided.

How odd.

By the way, Freedom House reports that Azerbaijan has become one of the "worst performers" in Eastern Europe for press freedom, behind only Belarus and Russia.

All of this is well and good, but it still doesn’t explain why Aliyev's cops don't like Che Guevara. We can only assume it is his association with pot-smoking liberal arts majors – a known subversive demographic for nepotistic oil states.

Zombie Mayor Re-elected in Romania

I think it's fair to say I am Remont's "Senior Correspondant on Zombie Politicians" (to wit).

Okay, so this one isn't really a zombie either, yahoonews: The residents of a Romanian village knowingly voted in a dead man as their mayor in Sunday's municipal election, preferring him to his living opponent. Neculai Ivascu, 57, who ran the village for almost two decades, died from liver disease just after voting began -- but still won the election by a margin of 23 votes. Said a pro-Ivascu villager:

"I know he died, but I don't want change."

In the end, election authorities gave the post to the runner-up, but some villagers and Ivascu's party, the powerful opposition Social Democrat Party (PSD), have called for a new vote.

WorldPublicOpinion.org: The World's Opinion of Putin Is Not So High These Days

A new WorldPublicOpinion.org poll of 20 nations finds that none of the national leaders on the world stage inspire wide confidence. While the W is one of the least trusted leaders, no other leader--including China's Hu Jintao and Russia's Vladimir Putin--has gained a broad international base of support.

Putin remains popular inside Russia as he makes the transition from president to prime minister but has not emerged as an attractive world leader. 11 publics have a negative view of Putin while just 5 are positive (including China) and 3 are divided (including Azerbaijan). On average 32% express confidence in Putin--1 of the highest positive ratings--but a larger 48% do not. No region has predominantly positive views on Putin's global leadership.

Putin appears to have become a divisive figure. Although his ratings have improved slightly since a 2007 poll by the Pew Global Attitudes Project, the large positive movement in certain countries--such as China, where Putin's ratings are up 17 points--is balanced by negative movement in others--such as the US, where his ratings are down 21 pts.

http://www.worldpublicopinion.org/pipa/articles/home_page/488.php?nid=&id=&pnt=488&lb=

Moscow on the Bosphorus

Back in the day, Americas would take the kids to France so they could expierence EuroDisney. Now, oil-rich Russians are the new Americans.

As the NYTimes reports, "One of the most enduring changes in the lives of Russians in recent years has occurred not in Russia itself, but in places like this coastal region of Turkey, where an influx of Russian tourists has given rise to a mini-industry catering to their needs...."

Dried fish and sun tan oil, we assume.

“Nobody believes me when I say this, but the Germans drink even more than the Russians,” said Ali Akgun, a manager at another hotel in the area, the Kemer Holiday Club. “It’s just that the Russians drink a little faster.”

It's a Sad, Sad Day

The eXile is closing down.

RFE/RL: After 11 yrs of providing Moscow readers with investigative journalism, irreverent commentary, and sophomoric gags, the English-language newspaper the "The eXile" is closing down after investors fled in the face of a government inspection of the paper's content.

The alternative tabloid -- known for its Gonzo-style journalism on drugs, sex, politics, and the seamier side of Moscow nightlife -- announced the closure in a blog posted on its website on June 11.

The paper's demise, and the investors' flight, was sparked by a visit on June 6 by inspectors from the Federal Service for Mass Media, Telecommunications, and the Protection of Cultural Heritage.

The eXile brought us such gems as face control and the happy planet guide to Moscow: http://www.exile.ru/articles/detail.php?ARTICLE_ID=19059&IBLOCK_ID=35

You will be missed!!!

Vadim Volkov Gets a Cookie

A decade ago, Vadim Volkov argued that the KGB -- and assorted power ministries -- were rapidly replacing the mafia as the main arbiter of business disputes in Russia. The latest edition of Business Week shows just how far we’ve come. For starters, there’s a pricelist for harassing your competition:

"...[T]he practice is common enough for the Russian press to name the prices corrupt officials allegedly charge for various 'services:' Getting police to open a criminal investigation costs $20,000 to $50,000, an office raid is as much as $30,000, and a favorable court ruling runs anywhere from $10,000 to $200,000."

All of this dovetails nicely with the recent testimony of Senior Federal Arbitration Court Judge Yelena Valyavina, who claimed that the "Kremlin has pressured and threatened the Russian judiciary to secure favorable rulings."

'I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!'

Valyavina's testimony stems from a Kremlin libel suit against journalist Vladimir Solovyov. As it happens, Solovyov was foolish enough to claim, "there are no independent judges in Russia." Sure enough, the very same Kremlin official suing Solovyov also threaded Valyavina after she issued an unfavorable ruling against a Kremlin-controlled company.

This is why Russia is the greatest country in the world. Where else would the government sue a journalist for claiming there is no judicial independence, then list as the plaintiff the very same person responsible for intimidating judges.

Bulgaria to Entice Tourists with Erotic Graffiti

The Sofia Weekly had too many this time to choose just one: Erotic graffiti dating back to the Middle Ages have become the greatest attraction for tourists visiting Bulgaria's medieval capital of Preslav. The drawings are on the eastern fortress wall of Preslav, which was the capital of the First Bulgarian Empire from 893 to 972. The director of the national archaeological reserve, Alexander Gorchev, said that it is not clear who the author of the drawings was, but scientists suppose authorship belongs to Bulgarian soldiers or workers from the 10th century.

Mr Gorchev added that there is an idea to create an "alley of love and sex" in the fortress in order to further popularise the drawings among tourists. "If we consider the artistry of the drawings, we could say the medieval inhabitants of the old Bulgarian capital had elaborate sex lives," Gorchev also said.

Just Because You Joined the EU...

...doesn't mean you get to eat...or procreate and live long. Lesson learned, Eastern Europe. Lesson learned.

The Sofia Weekly: EUROSTAT research shows Bulgaria ranks first among all member states of the European Union in the percentage growth of food prices. The data shows food prices in the poorest EU member state went up 25% between April 2007 and April 2008. Bulgaria is followed Latvia and Estonia.

Also, according to EUROSTAT, Bulgaria's population dropped 8% in the last 10 yrs, which places the country dead last on population growth. Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Romania, Hungary, and Croatia also have negative values for population growth, whereas Ireland, Cyprus, and Luxembourg rank 1st. The EU population as a whole rose 3,4%. Ouch...

Moldova: The 6th Worst Place On Earth...

...if you are a woman.

That's according to Foreign Policy Magazine's new list.

Moldova is a major source country for women trafficked into prostitution....some government officials and police officers have even been complicit in trafficking. But things might be looking up: The first female prime minister took office this year.

Even in it's treatment of women, Moldova can't win for loosing. But for the first time, that's a good thing.

The top five:

1) Haiti

2) Yemen

3) Sierra Leone

4) Nepal

5) Papua New Guinea

We Should Consider Getting In on this Venture

Silly, but it's Friday, so why not?

Russian Office Rampage

Last week, some fellow in Russia lost it at work. His colleagues obviously thought this was important enough to share with the world.

At first you think, ‘bah -- it’s a fake,’ but that level of hatred for a copy machine can’t be faked.

For everyone who's ever had a rough day at work, we can all be glad it didn't end with a taser.





(Also, someone from the office has been nice enough to provide a second camera angle, this time with sound.)

Bakiyev can't get rid of [US] roommate...

Relations between the US and Kyrgyzstan have been on ice ever since an American serviceman shot Alexander Ivanov -- Kyrgyzstan’s champion knife thrower -- in 2006.

Before you ask, Ivanov did bring a knife to a gun fight -- with predictable results.

Jamestown now reports that, aside from regularly scheduled outbursts of public anti-Americanism, members of Kyrgyzstan’s own intelligence service are convince that the “U.S. might be sponsoring terrorism,” or worse, “[seeks] to establish political control over Central Asia.” Poor intelligence resources and limited exposure to non-Russian news are driving these perceptions, according to Jamestown.

Despite the quiet opinions of his intelligence services, President Bakiyev's key dilemma remains the slowing economy and surging inflation, now up to 25% year-on-year. Meanwhile, Kyrgyz citizens must grapple with sky-rocketing prices for gas & food, as the government imposes new measures to ration electricity.

Ay, there's the rub.

Kyrgyzstan may have grown tired of American troops at the Manas Airport, but the government relies upon rent from the US to pay the bills. So for now, the uncomfortable roommate situation remains.

Gorbachev Fears Zombie Lenin

Well not really, yahoonews: The embalmed body of Lenin should be moved from Red Square and buried, Gorbachev said on Wednesday. Lenin died on January 21, 1924 and despite the pleas of relatives, his body was embalmed and placed in a mausoleum on Red Square in the shadow of the Kremlin walls. His body is still on public display. Opponents say the ghosts of the USSR should be put to rest and that Lenin, an atheist known by his patronymic, Ilych, be given a proper burial.

"My view is as follows -- we should not be occupied right now with grave digging. But we will necessarily come to a time when the mausoleum will have lost its meaning and we will bury Ilych, give him up to the earth as his family had wanted," Gorbachev told reporters. "I think the time will come ... it will happen."

Real Headline: "Another drunk baby born in Poland"

Another one? This is a trend, now?

According to Polskieradio: "A 25-year-old heavily intoxicated woman has given birth to a baby in a hospital in Trzebnica, south-west Poland. The amount of alcohol in the newborn's blood was 4 times the legal limit, and 5 times the legal limit in its mother's blood."

For the record, the legal blood alcohol limit in Poland is a draconian .02, and that's just for driving. Nobody said anything about child birth. What's more, 4x the legal limit in Poland translates to a measly .08, or the minimum level for Nick Nolte to function properly.

Since the newborn is clearly not going to be driving home from the hospital, lets hold off calling this woman a "bad mother."

What's Old Is -- Yeah, It's New Again

The NYTimes has a mildly disturbing article on the Kremlin's new plan to mute public dissent: digitally erase political critics from television.

"Not only were his remarks cut — he was also digitally erased from the show, like a disgraced comrade airbrushed from an old Soviet photo."

President Aliyev's "New Jobs"

Life for President Aliyev jr. has been going pretty well.

For starters, Azerbaijan announced that oil exports for January – April were up 37.8%. This prompted Aliyev to boast of a 20% increase in total oil production for 2008.

What's more, the inflow of oil riches allowed the government to claim it created a whopping 650,000 new jobs last year -- a key part of Aliyev's re-election campaign.

Unfortunately for the government, its own numbers don’t add up.

As Eurasianet notes, over the last five years, “only 154,000 individuals have been registered to pay into the social insurance system.” So someone has been lying.

"If there are so many new jobs, why don’t they increase my retirement pension?" said one retieree.

Back at the Ministry of Economic Development, Spokesperson Abbas Aliyev (relation?) claims that there is a perfectly reasonable explanation: “A certain number of employed people conceal their employment to avoid paying social insurance fees."

Well, at least 496,000 certain someones. Azeris, it seems, don't take kindly to paying their taxes. Why should they? Oil is $125-ish and the government will just pump more. It's worked thus far, how could the scheme fail?

Bulgarian City Rules on the Armenian Genocide

...and brilliantly avoids the word "Turkey".

Sofia Weekly: The District Administrative Court in Bulgaria's Danube city of Ruse rejected Friday the appeals against the declaration of the City Council recognizing the Armenian genocide in the Ottoman Empire. The appeals were tabled to the Court by the Ruse District Governor Mariya Dimova, and by city counselors from the ethnic Turkish Movement for Rights and Freedoms party. The Court ruling states that the declaration recognizing the genocide over Armenians and Bulgarians in the Ottoman Empire could not be disputed because it was not an administrative act, it was only declarative, and had no legal consequences. The declaration recognizing the Armenian Genocide in the Ottoman Empire between 1915 and 1922 was adopted by the Ruse City Council on April 17.

Macedonia Tries to Vote

Macedonia tried to hold a parliamentary election over the weekend. The operateive word here is tried.

After the dust settled, incumbent Nikola Gruevski and his "Internal Macedonian Revolutionary Organization – Democratic Party for National Unity" claimed victory in a 48% - 22% drubbing of the opposition Social Democratic Party.

Unfortunately, violence and vote tampering were the big themes of the day, as international election monitors had to withdraw from at least 30 locations due to gunfire and violence at the polls.

In most countries, voters bring their registration cards to vote. In parts of Macedonia, they bring guns.

As RFE/RL reports, "One man was killed and nine wounded in violence among ethnic Albanians on election day. Gunfire halted voting in one town. Ballot boxes went missing. Two election officials were held briefly by gunmen before being freed unharmed by police."

Meanwhle, British MP Denis McShane --who was on hand to observe this goat rodeo for the Council of Europe -- didn’t have many nice things to say: ”Very clearly, this election needs to be re-run, in whole or in part, under much stricter supervision.”

Next stop: NATO.

Vik and Julie are Fighting Again

Why can't these crazy kids work together and be nice?

Podrobnosti.ua: "Ющенко попросил Тимошенко не смеяться": Президент Ющенко требует от премьера Тимошенко уважения к решениям Конституционного суда. "Я хочу, чтобы прекратилась насмешки над КС", - сказал Ющенко.

AND Podrobnosti.ua: "Ющенко просит Тимошенко не доводить Украину до международного скандала из-за Евро-2012": Президент Ющенко обращает внимание премьер-министра Тимошенко на ситуацию, сложившуюся вокруг реконструкции НСК "Олимпийский". "Прошу вашего личного вмешательства с целью немедленного исправления ситуации, недопущения международного скандала, обеспечения своевременной и надлежащей подготовки Украины к Евро-2012", - подчеркнул Ющенко в письме к премьеру.

The Democratic Discourse In Russia

Despite all evidence to the contrary, democracy in Russia continues to hit new lows. Take for example the case of Gary Kasparov and the flying penis. One of many indignities which Sr. Kasparov has been forced to endure.

"I think we have to be thankful for the opposition's demonstration of the level of discourse we need to anticipate," said Mr. Kasparov.

Thanks Chalmers!

Oh, and before anyone says it...

What about "Latviania?"

This week, the Czech Republic's soccer federation was forced to issue a formal apology after hosting Latvia in a prep game for the European Championship. The problem: the Czechs were actually playing Lithuania.

The Latvian flag was in the game program along with a photo of the Latvian national soccer team. Before the match, Czech organizers played Latvia's national anthem.

It is for this reason that Eternal Remont is a vocal supporter of Czechoslovenian reunification. Besides, all of these countries are basically the same, right?

It is time to end the madness.

So, what about НАШИ?

Now that the Kremlin has successfully dodged the outbreak of an Orange Revolution during the most recent parlimentary and presidential elections, people are begining to ask, 'What the hell are we going to do with Nashi?'

Answer: form an armed "Youth Militia."

"Do you want to realize your plan? Do you want to change the world around you? Do you want to influence your country’s future? Do you want the world to remember you? Are you searching for your place in life? If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, don’t despair, there is an answer."

In America, a pitch like that would signal a "Tony Robbins" alert, but in Russia, a far more sinister organization offers the answers to your prayers: the Antifascist Democratic Youth Movement "Nashi," waiting for you with open arms.

Seriously, what's the worst that could happen?

Fasten Your Seatbelts

This is why Russians drink so heavily when they fly.

Medvedev & Hu Jintao Get it On

On his first foreign visit, President Medvedev has drafted China into the anti-missile defense team. This is opposed to our friends the Poles and Czechs, who are desperate to set up the system before the "use-by" date on their chips with Bush administration expires in January 2009.

Following his meeting with Medvedev, China's Hu Jintao publicly objected to the installation of missile defense systems in "some regions" (read E. Europe). The subsequent joint statement cautioned that:

"The creation of global missile defense systems and their deployment in some regions of the world ... does not help to maintain strategic balance and stability and hampers international efforts in arms control and nuclear nonproliferation."

Clearly, Russia and China are speaking from the moral high ground on this issue, as both have been models of arms control in recent years -- especially in popular tourist destinations like Sudan and the DRC ("Those aren't our AK-47s").

Ultimately the long-term interests of China and Russia are wildly divergent. Yet, in the long-run, we're all dead. So until that time, we're going to see a lot more of this silliness.

Thug Capitalism

The latest issue of Forbes has a cover story on Thug Capitalism in Central Asia: "Without warning, 24 foot soldiers of the Pavlodar Oblast Financial Police showed up, carrying AK-47 Kalashnikov automatic rifles. Their target: the Maikuben coal mine in northern Kazakhstan, owned by the American firm AES Corp."

Yet, despite this unique form of, well, hostile takeover, "'It's a lot easier to do business in Kazakhstan than Russia,' says a Western diplomat in the region."

Even AES was impressed that its Kazakh workers would diligently dig for coal in sub-freezing temperatures. What's more "Kazakh employees always showed up for work on time," said AES exec Dale Perry.

Nevertheless, Perry did have to grow accustomed to frequent shakedowns. Yet, as a US company -- and therefore subject to the US Foreign Corrupt Practices Act -- AES was forced to regularly pay draconian fines rather than minor bribes "to make a problem go away." One such fine cost the company $2.8 million.

Anyway, Forbes was nice enough to provide us with a nifty little rundown on the extraneous fees which the Kazakh government has levied on Western companies:

--ExxonMobile: $5 billion for "project delays"
--ArcelorMittal: $2.5 billion in tax claims (won court fight)
--Chevron: $310 million for “improperly storing sulfur”
--AES: $200 million in “antitrust fines”
--Parker Drillion: $26 million in “miscellaneous tax fines”

Then again, at least in Kazakhstan the government lets you keep the company. Isn't that right Khordokovsky?

The Russians Have Set High Standards for the British Football Fanatics

Thank you, Ellustrator.

Football Madness Update: Red Square Now Equipped with Pitch

Yes, the good people over at "English Russia" have posted pictures of local fanatics playing football on a pitch set up on Red Square. So take that International Community. Red Square is not just a Soviet Stage used to display heavy artillery on Victory Day.

Check out more pictures at http://englishrussia.com/?p=1928.

"Red Grandmothers" to Receive Free Dentures

alternate title: Capitalist Grandmothers to Steal from "Red Grandmothers"

The Sofia Weekly: The socialist party is preparing to offer free dentures to Bulgarian retirees. This initiative comes almost immediately after the decision to raise retirement pensions with 10,35% instead of the planned 9,5% made this past weekend at the Governing Coalition's meeting in Katarino. The increase of the pensions has been widely criticized in the media since many see it as another "red" attempt to buy the retirees' future vote. At the moment the National Health Insurance Fund sets aside 4% of its total budget for dental care.

Who the hell would want a Stalin themed room???

"And who would you like to spend the night with?" asks the receptionist at Belgrade's "Mr. President" hotel. It's not what you think. Guests are asked to choose among Fidel Castro, Margaret Thatcher, Adolf Hitler or any of the 45-odd living or dead world leaders whose portraits grace the themed rooms.

"We were thinking, what does a mature businessman most desire? Power, of course. So, we decided to offer him the company of some of the most powerful people in the world," says hotel owner Dusan Zabunovic.

The selection knows no ideological or geographical barriers. Guests can pick Stalin or Putin; Abe Lincoln, Winston Churchill, or Silvio Berlusconi.

www.canada.com/topics/travel/story.html?id=4456828a-e99a-407a-a5f1-6b28c5c6777a&k=67900

Don’t Think We Forgot You, Belarus

Life has been rolling merrily forward for El Presidente Lukashenko.

Back in March, Minsk recalled its ambassador from the US -- and “strongly suggested” Washington do the same. The State Department just rolled its eyes.

All of this comes after Lukashenko briefly grabbed headlines for releasing high-profile political prisoner Alexander Kozulin upon his wife's death. Kozulin was promptly re-imprisoned after the funeral.

His crime? Running for president, of course.

Meanwhile, the US announced new sanctions against three subsidiaries of state-owned Belneftekhim, just as Russia says it will avoid Belarus as a transit country for a new European pipeline project.

Back in the US, a federal appeals court will allow a gay Belarusian businessman to appeal his expulsion back to Planet Lukashenko on the grounds that it could violate the International Convention Against Torture (CAT).

It seems that, back in 1996, said gay Belarusian overstayed his tourist visa then requested asylum for fear of abuse as a homosexual. The US Board of Immigration Appeals denied the asylum claim but the 3rd Circuit Court figures he can at least try again under international anti-torture laws.

By the way, gay-rights groups note the successful completion of a recent Gay Pride Parade in Minsk since the event was free of violence or arrests. Apparently, the “Rainbow Flag” flew over Minsk for the first time.

Hell, civil society is civil society. Nobody bowls alone -- even in Belarus.

The CIA's Acoustic Kitties

Razuman Aga Pashazade sends along this awesome story.

It seems that, back in the 1960s, the CIA spent millions to train cats to infiltrate the Kremlin and plant bugs. Hilarity promptly ensued:

"They took it out to a park and put him out of the van, and a taxi comes and runs him over. There they were, sitting in the van with all those dials, and the cat was dead."

Classic.

Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin

Yes, there really is a band by that name.

On the annaversary of his death, we take a moment to remember the first President of the Russian Federation and the era of 500,000 ruble notes ("just pretend to take off two zeros till we print more"), rusting K-V-A-S tanks, chewing gum instead of change, and the arrival of Фейс контроль.

Good times.

More Roma Craziness

Guess today is Roma Day on Eternal Remont...

Jen sends along this story from our beloved Baltic Times: "An influential Vilnius City Council member has called on parliament to put Vilnius Roma in trailer homes and move them out of the nation’s capital to various regions around the country.”

A Roma mobile home park in Lithuania?

Russia and Kazakhstan Are Not Frenemies

Looks like Russia and Kazakhstan are not frenemies, but best friends forever -- kinda.

Last week, Eternal Remont noted Kazakhstan’s drive to cut Russia out of new export routes, via boat, across the Caspian. At $125 a barrel, anything is possible these days.

Now comes word that Russia and Kazakhstan will also double the capacity of the existing Caspian Pipeline Consortium (pictured). If everything goes according to plan, the beast will pump a whopping 67 million tons of oil a year to Russian spigots at Novorossiysk on the Black Sea.

While the new build is vital if Russia is going to supply the planned Burgas-Alexandropolis pipeline in Southeast Europe, the deal will impact just about everyone currently pumping oil out of Kazakhstan. This includs Chevron, ExxonMobil, KazMunayGaz, and Agip of Italy. What's more, Moscow has been openly pressuring western companies to commit their stock of Kazak oil to the Burgas-Alexandropolis line upon completion.

And just in case anyone was under the impression this was a request, the Russian Federal Tax Service has already issued retroactive claims against Chevron and ExxonMobil for “unpaid taxes.”

Suddenly that Kazakh boat brigade to Azerbaijan is looking pretty darn good. How do you say “Aye Captain” in Kazakh?

Cold War Update

Colbert provides us with a nice review of current events in Belarus, China, and Russia.

ROMA FIGHT!

Everything the Roma does is hilarious, unless, of course, I am directly involved, then it's an atrocity.

The Sofia Weekly: A total of 5 Roma were detained and 8 more - hospitalized after being involved in a mass fight in Bulgaria's town of Dimitrovgrad on Wednesday. The row flared up after a 20-yr-old man refused to give a belt back to another Roma citizen. As the brawl grew into a fight, about 2 dozen relatives got involved. Police came to find the windows of 3 houses broken and 8 people hurt, 1 with a serious head injury. The 5 main participants in the fight have been detained for 24 hrs in the local police station.

Postcards from Yekaterinburg

Thanks Russia Blog.

The Plastic People in Bronze

Jen writes, "I love the Lithuanian avant garde..."

AP: "In 1995, a quirky bunch of Lithuanian artists and intellectuals managed to erect a bust of [Frank Zappa] in downtown Vilnius, the capital of the former Soviet republic. Now, they want to place a replica in Zappa's hometown."

Omens and Misogyny...in Space

It seems that last month’s botched Soyuz re-entry could have been much worse.

According to the WashPost, "malfunctioning parts or faulty workmanship” was to blame for the dangerous ballistic trajectory which charred the capsule’s communications antenna and temporarily left astronauts stranded in the wastes of Central Asia. In fact, the growing list of Soyuz part failures is getting so bad that "NASA and space experts [are] concerned about the spacecraft’s reliability in ferrying astronauts to and from the international space station.”

Just don't mention faulty workmanship or part failures to Federal Space Agency Chief Anatoly Perminov. Eternal Remont fans remember how, last month Perminov blamed the near-disaster on the presence of women on the spacecraft. According to Perminov, women are a “bad omen” in Russian spaceflight. While he wholly avoided the issue of shoddy parts, Perminov did pledge that “in the future, we will work somehow to ensure that the number of women will not surpass [the number of men].”

There you have it. Problem solved.

Unfortunately, the Russian Federal Space Agency’s reliance on omens and misogyny does quite not measure up to NASA’s standards for flight safety. This is especially true since the US will be entirely dependent on the Soyuz craft once the shuttles are retired in 2010.

For its part, the company that builds the Soyuz (Ракетно-космическая корпорация "Энергия" им. С.П.Королева) is struggling to find the skilled workers it needs to meet safety and production standards; a fact which only the Russian Communist Party is willing to highlight these days.

In his last years as president, Putin embraced a drive to transform Russia into one of the world’s top aerospace manufacturers. But then Russia’s long-awaited GPS system fizzled and its manned mission to Mars (yes, Mars) has languished in bureaucratic obscurity.

Medvedev will likely follow Putin’s lead on aerospace. Howver, it is unlikely that projected increases in state subsidies will fully reverse the lasting damage to Russia's aerospace industry or staunch Russia's declining competitiveness in high-tech manufacturing.

Putinomics

It's a mad, mad, mad, world in which only the Communists are making sense.

Prior to the Prime Minister vote in the Duma, Russian Communist Party leader Gennadi Zyuganov noted, correctly, “that under Putin’s rule…Russia’s population declined and many highly educated citizens moved away. Food and utility prices have climbed…and infrastructure, factories and heavy machinery have fallen into disrepair."

All true.

Unfortunately, Zyuganov only plays into Putin's strengths. After the Duma voted 392-56 to make him Prime Minister, Putin vowed to enact "great and grandiose" state spending projects to rebuild transportation, infrastructure, and education, among others. He simultaneously pledged to cut inflation – now at 13% a year and rising.

Never in the history of modern economics, has an oil state cut inflation during a period of record high prices, all while dumping billions in free money into the economy. Quite the contrary.

Still, Eternal Remont is holding to the belif that Russian scientists have discovered a secret economic theory, previously unknown, which will allow them to flaunt the laws of economics. The Russian government certainly wouldn't lie to its citizens. Otherwise, how could they do both?

British Football Fans to be Quarantined upon Arrival

Not too long ago, we posted that Russia for the first time in probably ever threw caution to the wind and said Brits could come to Moscow using their football match tickets as visas. Today, we hear that said "visa"-carrying Brits will actually be quarantined upon their arrival in Moscow.

NY Times: "The British fans will be headed for Russia largely aboard charter flights. After they land, they will be escorted directly to a fleet of 700 buses and 300 taxis...It is not clear whether the escort is meant to shield British fans from hooligan supporters of Moscow’s six soccer teams, who are rumored to be preparing attacks on British fans, or whether it is instead meant to protect Russians from the drinking and brawling so beloved by some of the British themselves when they travel abroad."

A friend of Remont had the following commentary:

On the Russian side: Wow, Russia. Wow. I can't think of anything else to tastefully say.

On the English side: Apparently your reputation for drinking and violence is enough to scare Russians. That's, eh, some kind of accomplishment...

Kazakstan: We Don’t Need No Stinking Pipelines

Russia can’t get any love these days, not from the Washington Post, or Sen. McCain, and now Kazakhstan.

While everyone else is busy giving Medvedev unwanted advice on making Russia more friendly for democracy, EurasiaNet reports that Kazakhstan is dutifully working to cut Russia out of the Central Asian oil bonanza.

Et tu, Brute?

After years of paying ridiculous transit fees, the Kazakhs have had enough. “Attention is shifting to an oil transport route after Kazakhstan’s senate in late April ratified an energy export treaty with Azerbaijan…The treaty sets out the conditions for shipping Kazakhstani oil to Western markets via a route that bypasses Russia.”

What about Caspian demarcation, you say? A pipeline can’t be built.

Pipelines...we don’t need no stinking pipelines.

Instead, Kazakhstan will use boats, lots and lots of giant boats. These will be expensive boats with expensive port facilities, storage areas, and transfer points. The new “Caspian Transportation System” will cost $3 billion up front, with an additional $10 billion budgeted to transform Aktau (pictured) into an “energy hub."

While this demonstrate a slight western bias in Kazakhstan’s export priorities, as opposed to competing Chinese interests, Moscow stands to loose considerable revenue if it can no longer maintain a virtual monopoly on Central Asian export routes.

The Kremlin’s response will be telling.

Team Tandem

Today, the Russian Federation inaugurated Dmitri Medvedev as its third president in 17 years. Foreign media were not allowed into the event. However, our friends at RIA Novosti were kind enough to share a few snapshots.

For the record, Medvedev said ‘I do.’

Even though the “tandem” government has taken one big step forward, members of the Russian media are rather confused about the actual responsiblities of the new presidential administration (Jamestown).

This is likely because the details have not been fully settled. The Prime Minister will be taking many of the roles, de facto or de jure, which were once reserved for the president. It also means that, for all of the pomp and circumstance, President Medvedev has assumed the constitutional office of the presidency, but the terms of the deal are subject to change.

As far as the future direction of this new tandem government, Putin has offered a hint, saying, “It's very important for everyone together to continue the course that has already been taken and has justified itself.”

Come to think of it, this doubles as a nifty explanation of Plan Putina.

Visa Regime Replaced by Football Fanaticism

CNN: All fans traveling to the Champions League final in Moscow on May 21 can use their match tickets as visas. Monday's historic gesture -- believed to be the first time visitors to Russia will be allowed in without a visa -- was made after UEFA president Michel Platini sent a personal letter to Putin. The tickets will be valid as visas for a 72-hour period between May 19 and 23, and must be kept after the match to be shown on leaving the country.

Issue 1: Do you know what you NORMALLY have to do to get into the country?

Issue 2: I can't WAIT to see how many drunken soccer hooligans lose their tickets after the matches. We should be sure to keep track of this one.

Elvira, Mistress of the Economy

--One barrel of oil: $120.21
--Gold and foreign-currency reserves: $530 billion
--Sovereign-wealth fund: $130 billion
--Painting youself into an economic “dead end”: priceless

"'This route may lead to a dead end,''' Economy Minister Elvira Nabiullina said at a Finance Ministry meeting last month. 'We no longer have the advantages of a cheap ruble, cheap labor' after a decade of average annual economic growth of 7 percent that pushed up wages and the currency, making Russia less competitive.”

No Child Left Behind + Bridging the Digital Divide?

Our good friend Berdymukhamedov, showing again that he has no idea about the Internet, has proclaimed that

The President, Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov, demanded to ensure that internet access in Turkmenistan, striving to get over with self-isolation, becomes readily available even to kids in kindergartens.

The national media report citing the President’s speech that “Schools and kindergartens having no access to internet and Citing the President’s speech the national media report that “schools and kindergartens not equipped with means of access to internet and multimedia technologies will not be set into operation.” [sic]

Well I suppose that’s another way to make sure Turkmens don’t have access to primary education.

Now, there's been a lot of buzz about mobile phones in the developing world giving access to the internet for people who never had landlines in the first place. But does anyone actually believe that Turkmenistan will go straight to 3G services? And exactly how much did MTS tip off Berdy for rights to install infrastructure?

Tajiks Get Innovative

Jen asks, "Is this how McCain and Clinton plan to pay for the gas tax holiday?"

AP: "Residents of Tajikistan, Central Asia's poorest nation, were asked Tuesday to give up a month's salary to help build a desperately needed hydroelectric dam. The Tajik authorities' request comes after an unusually cold winter caused widespread electricity shortages and claimed hundreds of victims nationwide.

"Mayor Makhmadsaid Ubaidullayev of the capital, Dushanbe, has calculated that if all the city's residents give up half their salaries in May and June, more than $10 million could be raised for the Rogun dam, his spokesman said Tuesday.

"Ubaidullayev's appeal echoed a similar call made by Tajik President Emomali Rakhmon, who said last week that the entire project would cost around $550 million and called on Tajiks to help fund it.

"The Rogun project dates back to the 1970s. It lay dormant after the Soviet collapse until Russian metals giant OC Rusal expressed interest in reviving it as a way to tap the mountainous nation's sizable hydroelectric potential.

"The dam's fate was thrown into doubt last year after Tajikistan canceled Rusal's contract because of disagreements about how the project would be implemented.
Rakhmon said the government had allocated $40 million for the construction and the sum will be doubled in 2009.

"Although the proposed residents' funding initiative has been described as entirely voluntary, there are concerns that workers will be coerced into giving up part of their wages under threat of tax audits or regulatory checks.

"Tajikistan's economy was ruined by civil war in the mid-1990s. It is now among the world's poorest countries, with an average monthly wage of around $50."

Paying for History

Each month DC is treated to a delightful exercise in Russian political spin. This is when the RIA Novosti advertising supplement, Russia: Beyond the Headlines, arrives in the WashPost. This month is no different, especially Vitaly Shlykov and Alexei Pankin’s Op-Ed, “Why We Are Right to Fear NATO.”

It starts with the usual jingoistic gruel, then scoops out this humdinger: “It is important to remember that back at the very end of the 1980s Russia wanted to secede from the USSR no less than any of the Baltic countries or Georgia (and probably a lot more than Ukraine). Additionally, the independence of other Soviet republics was a direct consequence of Russia's own striving for sovereignty.”

Wow. These days, only Ahmadinejad gets credit for this level of historical revisionism.

For the record, the Ukrainian Supreme Soviet was passing laws in a direct challenge to the Russian-dominated Supreme Soviet of the USSR. The Kremlin did everything possible to stop, not encourage, this behavior. According to Shlykov's reasoning, Russia tried to stop constituent republics like Ukraine from leaving the Soviet Union because it also wanted to leave the Soviet Union, a proxy for Russia anyway, so as to promote its own "striving for sovereignty?"

Indeed, Shlykov and Pankin’s argument makes as much sense as begging a judge to let you divorce yourself, rising up in vocal protest as a lawyer for the defendant, then claiming victory when you lost.

Only Gogol could truly understand arguments like this. But Gogol is dead and RIA Novsti can pay to print whatever it wants. It's a shame really, since that last part might have made for a great novella.