There's always a bigger fish

Newfound sensation Paul the Octopus has apparently taken his successful career in sports predictions and moved into the political sphere. Last week, according to several sources, Paul put his powers of foresight to work on predicting the outcome of the 2012 Russian presidency (a prediction which is supposed to remain sealed until the election year).

Big mistake Paul, you'd better turn down the recent bid from the Russian National Association of Bookmakers to come stay in the Moscow oceanarium, because we all remember what happened to the last fish that tried to move into Putin's pond...

Uzbekistan doesn't have enough people at its border

Central Asia is crushing my soul today. So hundreds of thousands of Uzbeks are flooding to the Kyrgyzstan-Uzbekistan border because of the ethnic conflict. Turkmenistan thought, why not add 30 or so more people to that?

According to the Turkmen Initiative for Human Rights, about 30 women together with their children were forcedly deported to Uzbekistan from the Sakar etrap of the Lebap velayat in Turkmenistan. All these women are natives of the Bukhara velayat in Uzbekistan, who married Turkmen citizens, lived as married couples for several years and whose children were born in Turkmenistan. The unlucky women together with their children born in Turkmenistan from Turkmen citizens were brought together and were forcedly ousted to the territory of the neighbouring country.

Yes, we've defined unlucky today: being born an underprivileged woman in Uzbekistan, who starts a family in Turkmenistan (and as I write, I still have no idea which country I would pick to suffer in if forced to choose), and then is deported back to Uzbekistan without her husband while there's an ethnic conflict in nearby Kyrgyzstan. Sigh.

Kyrgyzstan

So, I received a record number of emails about Kyrgyzstan over the weekend. Usually, I receive about 3 or 4 a day. I received over 100 since Friday night.

Looking at news reports in respected media (New York Times, Washington Post, etc) ethnic conflict is escalating. Mostly, gangs have been targeting Uzbeks in Southern Kyrgyzstan. It is reported that dozens, possibly as many as 100, have died.

And what's more upsetting is that the reports may not be accurate, and that the situation might actually be worse. Looking at the latest email from a yahoo group called "HR-Uzbekistan", some claim thousands have died. Homes, Mosques, and hospitals have been burned to the ground.

To put it simply it's a human rights nightmare. I for one agree with Human Rights Watch and think it's time for international action and UN involvement. Otherwise, it seems the situation will only escalate.

Poland+Castration Law = Why We Do This

Sorry ER fans, you're not getting a photo for this one.

BBC: "Under the law, [sex offenders] would be forced on their release to take drugs to reduce their sex drive, but courts are required to consider the opinions of psychiatrists before ordering it."

Voting Fraud in the Duma

Now this is how you run a "sovereign democracy!" (For: "99.8%.")

On the other hand, why even have a Duma if United Russia lackies are going to vote for you when that three martini lunch goes a little long.

Bonus points to the Duma deputy who tries to pick his nose with a microphone (1:18). Makes you wonder what this place would be like if deputies actually had to stand for a legitimate election.

Thanks to TYWKIWDBI, funny name...awesome blog.

Father's Day is Just around the Corner

Every year, we all struggle to buy gifts for Father's Day. Well this year, the decision is an easy one: Cufflinks that resemble the big bear, the manliest of men, the supreme leader - Vladimir Putin. Yeah, enough said. Purchase them now. NOW!

Divorce was complicated enough

Now, in some European countries, you can pick which laws apply to your divorce. What a blessing.

According to the Sofia Morning News, Bulgaria is among a group of 14 European Union nations which has opted to seal a divorce pact that will let couples of different European nationalities choose which divorce laws will apply. The proposal allows both spouses to know in advance which law is applicable to their divorce, increasing flexibility by giving them the possibility of choosing which legal code should apply. The countries taking part in the enhanced co-operation procedure are Spain, Italy, Hungary, Luxembourg, Austria, Romania, Slovenia, Bulgaria, France, Germany, Belgium, Latvia, Malta and Portugal.

If divorce in Italy is anything like the movie: "Divorce, Italian Style", I would opt for any of the other countries' laws. Thank you.

Oh No... I agree with Nashisti on this one

Yeah, there it is. I just said that. According to EnglishRussia, recently in Moscow supermarkets swastika stickers have appeared on Lithuanian products. The stickers showed up around the same time the youth movement "Nashi" called for a boycott on Lithuanian goods because the Klaipeda court had announced the swastika to be a historic heritage of Lithuania.

I kinda think it's a clever protest. Best way to protest anything is to hit people in their pockets. Good work, Nashisti. I can't condemn it. I can only encourage more consistency in your messages.

Bulgarian Domain Name Debate Continues

You may remember that late last year, that the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN) began allowing cyrillic to be used in Internet domain names. This instantly sparked debate in Bulgaria, where the popular inclination was to make the Bulgarian government's cyrillic domain name ".бг". However, this rubbed Brazil the wrong way, because their latin domain name is already ".br" and looks very similar to the proposed cyrillic for Bulgaria.

Well, the Brazilians won out, and the debate rages on. There are now four options under review: .българия, .бгр, .бул, and .бя.

I vote for .бя because it's the shortest, and I HATE long addresses. In any case, make a decision already, Bulgaria. So far only Russia has registered a domain name in Cyrillic: .рф. Rather efficient and practical, Russia. Kudos.

Two-Party System, Turkmen Style

So according to Chronicles of Turkmenistan, Turkmen authorities are genuinely trying to create a two-party system. However, it seems that mostly, they want to have a two-party system so that the international community will get off their backs already. Farid Tukhbatullin claims that the introduction of a multi-party system is not a “present-day” requirement from within the country, but the requirement imposed by international, including financial organizations, which play a pivotal role in the economic well-being of the country and its leadership.

In a nut shell, it seems the two-party system will be the existing party, just in two branches. The branches won't be in opposition to each other at all. Just complimentary really. The new branch will be one for the farmers... This all sounds familiar. Power to the farmers aka the peasantry aka the proletariat of Central Asia... Nah, never happen.

Here's looking backwards at you, Turkmenistan!

It's Hard out There for a Pimp

At least in Bulgaria. According to the Sofia Morning News, several night clubs, offices and a number of private addresses in Bulgaria’s capital Sofia were raided Friday night in the latest special police ops codenamed “The Pimps.” The news was reported Saturday by Interior Minister, Tsvetan Tsvetanov, who said they were targeting establishments providing “sex services.” Four people have been arrested, identified as Velislav aka Viki, Emil aka The Shaved (ew), Rosen aka The Fat (aw), and Miglena Hana, believed to be the Madam of the Sofia prostitutes.

So interesting and disturbing, but here's what I want to focus on: the use of the term "codename." According to Webster's dictionary, a codename is "a designation having a coded and usually secret meaning." There's nothing coded or secret about the term "pimps" when you're targeting a prostitution ring. Maybe the next special ops should be called "Oak Tree" or "Blue Jay." If you need help, try this site. Not a sermon, just a thought.

Corruption Solves Problems

According to most Russians. According to most Russians, dill should be used in every dish. According to most Russians, sitting on the floor will freeze your ovaries...

So, more than half of the Russians who participated in a Levada Center poll say that bribing officials is the best way to "solve problems." And more than that, they believe that everyone's doing it. Would you jump off a bridge if everyone else was, Russia? Yeah, you probably would... Sigh.

It's the Pictures That Got Small

If you're interested, or are just desperate for an hour of entertainment, then you can't go wrong with the PLOT-O-MATIC™ movie script generator. Sure it's the next big thing of 2005. But still endless fun.

"Just pick out the characters and plot elements you want to include in your movie. When you're happy with your choices, hit LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION! and voila! A plot pitch you can take to the bank!"

Here's one we'll be introducing at Fox Searchlight later this week:

Little Bear's Big Trip
an original screenplay concept by D. Medvedev

Romance: A struggling artist teams up with a well-built female cyborg to save the earth from aliens. In the process they play Russian roulette with a kind hearted prostitute. By the end of the movie they poison 26 washed up ex-SNL cast members and end up winning the admiration of their country, living happily ever after.

Think Priscilla, Queen of the Desert meets Die Hard.

Who Wants a Nuclear Reactor?

The Guardian writes: “Speaking after talks with Syria's president, Bashar al-Assad, Russian president Dmitry Medvedev said today that Russia could build reactors in Syria, but gave no further details.”

These days, watching Medvedev make nuclear deals is like watching Oprah give away cars to her studio audience.



By the by, this is what happened the last time Syria tried to build a [suspected] nuclear plant.

This is for all the Ladies

Thanks to PunditKitchen.

Aliens in Kalmykia

It's a line that got cut from the first version of Billy Joel's "We didn't start the fire," AND a claim made by Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, the leader Kalmykia, a small Buddhist region of Russia which lies on the shores of the Caspian Sea. Crazy right? Oh it gets crazier.

According to the BBC, MP Andre Lebedev is not just asking whether Mr Ilyumzhinov is fit to govern. He is also concerned that, if he was abducted, he may have revealed details about his job and state secrets.

Let's do the obvious round of questions:

1. Aliens travel lightyears, they have the technology to pick any place on Earth to land, and they land in Kalmykia? Really? Really?

2. What state secrets are we telling the leader of Kalmykia, Russia? Is that where the nuclear silos are?

3. REALLY?!

Putin and Kadyrov are Predators

And not just of the ladies...

But seriously, my fantasy husband Putin and my least favorite orangutan Kadyrov have been included on Reporters without Borders' 2010 list of "40 Predators of the Press". Putin was on last year's list, but this is Kadyrov's first appearance on this particular list of infamy. Said of Ka-durak-ov:

"Anyone questioning [his] policies... is exposed to deadly reprisals ...Often referred to as 'Putin's guard dog', Ramzan Kadyrov shares the Russian prime minister's taste for crude language and strong action."

Sadly, this entry comes under "not surprised" for me, but as you know, I love lists and I love hating on Kadyrov.

Authorities Start Checking for Illegals

No, I'm not talking about Arizona, and I'm not talking about illegal immigrants. I'm talking about Sofia, Bulgaria and the current crackdown on illegal dogs. Yes, this is the most pressing issue facing Bulgaria (<--- That's what sarcasm looks like)

According to the Sofia Weekly, yesterday, teams from the Inspectorate of the City Hall in Bulgaria’s capital Sofia checked 106 dog owners in two of the city's most popular parks. Over 20 owners were fined with not having legal documentation for their dogs.

My initial question was "is it so horrible that someone would be taking care of a dog and not leaving it to be a stray roaming the streets all times of day keeping me up all night with their mating calls?" However, according to Mayor Yordanka Fandakova, legal documentation of dogs is the first step in getting owners to clean up after their dogs, keep their dogs on leashes, and walk their dogs in designated areas. So Mayor Yordanka, I commend your efforts. Also, good luck with the "staggering" unemployment among the youth of the city. Might I suggest creating more Dog Inspector positions???

MegaGaz

Everything seemed to be going so well between Ukraine and Russia (minus a few tiffs in the Ukrainian parliament). Russia renewed its lease to its Black Sea naval base and Ukraine got a discount on natural gas, in exchange for consideration of Russian entry into the Ukrainian energy sector of course.

Today we saw what was behind door number two when Prime Minister Putin freaked out everyone at a press conference following some follow-on Ukrainian-Russian discussions in Sochi. In an allegedly impromptu announcement, he suggested that Gazprom and Naftogaz (Ukraine's national gas and oil company) merge into one conglomerate.

Ex Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko has already denounced this suggestion as a Russian plot to deprive her country of sovereignty and is calling on her website for people "to work out an effective plan for ousting Yanukovych." Personally, I agree with the New York Times assessment that this is likely an aggressive haggling maneuver to get Russia a greater share of Ukrainian assets. Maybe the talks didn't go as well as planned and he decided to show the Yanukovych team that he was willing to toss them to the whims of a disgruntled populous? It certainly wasn't a move calculated to return Ukrainian politics to a sense of normalcy...

Spotlight on Stratgey 31

I'm embarassed to say I just recently heard about "Strategy 31", but according to opendemocracy.net, not many Russians have heard of it either, so I thought I'd spotlight it today, because I think it could have great potential.

Strategy-31 is a spontaneous civic movement which, since 31 July 2009, has regularly held protest meetings in defence of freedom of assembly in Russia. They are held on the 31st day of every month which has 31 days. In Moscow they take place in Triumfalnaya Square. They are intended to both promote and defend the right to hold peaceful demonstrations, as enshrined in article 31 of the Russian Constitution

To date, Moscow authorities have not approved a single Strategy-31 protest. Not shocking. Moscow authorities and Russian authorities in general are quite good at using bureacratic measures to stimy criticism.

And it's perfectly legal. In fact, there are new laws under consideration. There is, for example, a proposal to introduce a notification procedure for one-off pickets, and to allow officials to ban a public meeting on the grounds of “insufficient information”.

Well good luck Strategy-31 activists. It's a tough battle. I'll keep trying to do my part in giving you more visibility. See you in May!