Eternal Remont:

There's always a bigger fish

2010-07-20T10:19:00.000-07:00

Newfound sensation Paul the Octopus has apparently taken his successful career in sports predictions and moved into the political sphere. Last week, according to several sources, Paul put his powers of foresight to work on predicting the outcome of the 2012 Russian presidency (a prediction which is supposed to remain sealed until the election year).

Big mistake Paul, you'd better turn down the recent bid from the Russian National Association of Bookmakers to come stay in the Moscow oceanarium, because we all remember what happened to the last fish that tried to move into Putin's pond...

Uzbekistan doesn't have enough people at its border

2010-06-14T11:28:00.000-07:00

Central Asia is crushing my soul today. So hundreds of thousands of Uzbeks are flooding to the Kyrgyzstan-Uzbekistan border because of the ethnic conflict. Turkmenistan thought, why not add 30 or so more people to that?

According to the Turkmen Initiative for Human Rights, about 30 women together with their children were forcedly deported to Uzbekistan from the Sakar etrap of the Lebap velayat in Turkmenistan. All these women are natives of the Bukhara velayat in Uzbekistan, who married Turkmen citizens, lived as married couples for several years and whose children were born in Turkmenistan. The unlucky women together with their children born in Turkmenistan from Turkmen citizens were brought together and were forcedly ousted to the territory of the neighbouring country.

Yes, we've defined unlucky today: being born an underprivileged woman in Uzbekistan, who starts a family in Turkmenistan (and as I write, I still have no idea which country I would pick to suffer in if forced to choose), and then is deported back to Uzbekistan without her husband while there's an ethnic conflict in nearby Kyrgyzstan. Sigh.

Kyrgyzstan

2010-06-14T05:37:00.000-07:00

So, I received a record number of emails about Kyrgyzstan over the weekend. Usually, I receive about 3 or 4 a day. I received over 100 since Friday night.

Looking at news reports in respected media (New York Times, Washington Post, etc) ethnic conflict is escalating. Mostly, gangs have been targeting Uzbeks in Southern Kyrgyzstan. It is reported that dozens, possibly as many as 100, have died.

And what's more upsetting is that the reports may not be accurate, and that the situation might actually be worse. Looking at the latest email from a yahoo group called "HR-Uzbekistan", some claim thousands have died. Homes, Mosques, and hospitals have been burned to the ground.

To put it simply it's a human rights nightmare. I for one agree with Human Rights Watch and think it's time for international action and UN involvement. Otherwise, it seems the situation will only escalate.

Poland+Castration Law = Why We Do This

2010-06-09T15:27:00.000-07:00

Sorry ER fans, you're not getting a photo for this one.

BBC: "Under the law, [sex offenders] would be forced on their release to take drugs to reduce their sex drive, but courts are required to consider the opinions of psychiatrists before ordering it."

Voting Fraud in the Duma

2010-06-08T13:40:00.000-07:00

Now this is how you run a "sovereign democracy!" (For: "99.8%.")

On the other hand, why even have a Duma if United Russia lackies are going to vote for you when that three martini lunch goes a little long.

Bonus points to the Duma deputy who tries to pick his nose with a microphone (1:18). Makes you wonder what this place would be like if deputies actually had to stand for a legitimate election.

Thanks to TYWKIWDBI, funny name...awesome blog.

Father's Day is Just around the Corner

2010-06-07T07:21:00.000-07:00

Every year, we all struggle to buy gifts for Father's Day. Well this year, the decision is an easy one: Cufflinks that resemble the big bear, the manliest of men, the supreme leader - Vladimir Putin. Yeah, enough said. Purchase them now. NOW!

Divorce was complicated enough

2010-06-07T05:54:00.000-07:00

Now, in some European countries, you can pick which laws apply to your divorce. What a blessing.

According to the Sofia Morning News, Bulgaria is among a group of 14 European Union nations which has opted to seal a divorce pact that will let couples of different European nationalities choose which divorce laws will apply. The proposal allows both spouses to know in advance which law is applicable to their divorce, increasing flexibility by giving them the possibility of choosing which legal code should apply. The countries taking part in the enhanced co-operation procedure are Spain, Italy, Hungary, Luxembourg, Austria, Romania, Slovenia, Bulgaria, France, Germany, Belgium, Latvia, Malta and Portugal.

If divorce in Italy is anything like the movie: "Divorce, Italian Style", I would opt for any of the other countries' laws. Thank you.

Oh No... I agree with Nashisti on this one

2010-06-01T07:12:00.000-07:00

Yeah, there it is. I just said that. According to EnglishRussia, recently in Moscow supermarkets swastika stickers have appeared on Lithuanian products. The stickers showed up around the same time the youth movement "Nashi" called for a boycott on Lithuanian goods because the Klaipeda court had announced the swastika to be a historic heritage of Lithuania.

I kinda think it's a clever protest. Best way to protest anything is to hit people in their pockets. Good work, Nashisti. I can't condemn it. I can only encourage more consistency in your messages.

Bulgarian Domain Name Debate Continues

2010-05-27T06:01:00.001-07:00

You may remember that late last year, that the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN) began allowing cyrillic to be used in Internet domain names. This instantly sparked debate in Bulgaria, where the popular inclination was to make the Bulgarian government's cyrillic domain name ".бг". However, this rubbed Brazil the wrong way, because their latin domain name is already ".br" and looks very similar to the proposed cyrillic for Bulgaria.

Well, the Brazilians won out, and the debate rages on. There are now four options under review: .българия, .бгр, .бул, and .бя.

I vote for .бя because it's the shortest, and I HATE long addresses. In any case, make a decision already, Bulgaria. So far only Russia has registered a domain name in Cyrillic: .рф. Rather efficient and practical, Russia. Kudos.

Two-Party System, Turkmen Style

2010-05-19T10:36:00.000-07:00

So according to Chronicles of Turkmenistan, Turkmen authorities are genuinely trying to create a two-party system. However, it seems that mostly, they want to have a two-party system so that the international community will get off their backs already. Farid Tukhbatullin claims that the introduction of a multi-party system is not a “present-day” requirement from within the country, but the requirement imposed by international, including financial organizations, which play a pivotal role in the economic well-being of the country and its leadership.

In a nut shell, it seems the two-party system will be the existing party, just in two branches. The branches won't be in opposition to each other at all. Just complimentary really. The new branch will be one for the farmers... This all sounds familiar. Power to the farmers aka the peasantry aka the proletariat of Central Asia... Nah, never happen.

Here's looking backwards at you, Turkmenistan!

It's Hard out There for a Pimp

2010-05-17T07:42:00.000-07:00

At least in Bulgaria. According to the Sofia Morning News, several night clubs, offices and a number of private addresses in Bulgaria’s capital Sofia were raided Friday night in the latest special police ops codenamed “The Pimps.” The news was reported Saturday by Interior Minister, Tsvetan Tsvetanov, who said they were targeting establishments providing “sex services.” Four people have been arrested, identified as Velislav aka Viki, Emil aka The Shaved (ew), Rosen aka The Fat (aw), and Miglena Hana, believed to be the Madam of the Sofia prostitutes.

So interesting and disturbing, but here's what I want to focus on: the use of the term "codename." According to Webster's dictionary, a codename is "a designation having a coded and usually secret meaning." There's nothing coded or secret about the term "pimps" when you're targeting a prostitution ring. Maybe the next special ops should be called "Oak Tree" or "Blue Jay." If you need help, try this site. Not a sermon, just a thought.

Corruption Solves Problems

2010-05-13T06:41:00.000-07:00

According to most Russians. According to most Russians, dill should be used in every dish. According to most Russians, sitting on the floor will freeze your ovaries...

So, more than half of the Russians who participated in a Levada Center poll say that bribing officials is the best way to "solve problems." And more than that, they believe that everyone's doing it. Would you jump off a bridge if everyone else was, Russia? Yeah, you probably would... Sigh.

It's the Pictures That Got Small

2010-05-12T12:54:00.000-07:00

If you're interested, or are just desperate for an hour of entertainment, then you can't go wrong with the PLOT-O-MATIC™ movie script generator. Sure it's the next big thing of 2005. But still endless fun.

"Just pick out the characters and plot elements you want to include in your movie. When you're happy with your choices, hit LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION! and voila! A plot pitch you can take to the bank!"

Here's one we'll be introducing at Fox Searchlight later this week:

Little Bear's Big Trip
an original screenplay concept by D. Medvedev

Romance: A struggling artist teams up with a well-built female cyborg to save the earth from aliens. In the process they play Russian roulette with a kind hearted prostitute. By the end of the movie they poison 26 washed up ex-SNL cast members and end up winning the admiration of their country, living happily ever after.

Think Priscilla, Queen of the Desert meets Die Hard.

Who Wants a Nuclear Reactor?

2010-05-11T10:37:00.000-07:00

The Guardian writes: “Speaking after talks with Syria's president, Bashar al-Assad, Russian president Dmitry Medvedev said today that Russia could build reactors in Syria, but gave no further details.”

These days, watching Medvedev make nuclear deals is like watching Oprah give away cars to her studio audience.

By the by, this is what happened the last time Syria tried to build a [suspected] nuclear plant.

This is for all the Ladies

2010-05-10T09:40:00.001-07:00

Thanks to PunditKitchen.

Aliens in Kalmykia

2010-05-07T06:06:00.000-07:00

It's a line that got cut from the first version of Billy Joel's "We didn't start the fire," AND a claim made by Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, the leader Kalmykia, a small Buddhist region of Russia which lies on the shores of the Caspian Sea. Crazy right? Oh it gets crazier.

According to the BBC, MP Andre Lebedev is not just asking whether Mr Ilyumzhinov is fit to govern. He is also concerned that, if he was abducted, he may have revealed details about his job and state secrets.

Let's do the obvious round of questions:

1. Aliens travel lightyears, they have the technology to pick any place on Earth to land, and they land in Kalmykia? Really? Really?

2. What state secrets are we telling the leader of Kalmykia, Russia? Is that where the nuclear silos are?

3. REALLY?!

Putin and Kadyrov are Predators

2010-05-03T06:08:00.000-07:00

And not just of the ladies...

But seriously, my fantasy husband Putin and my least favorite orangutan Kadyrov have been included on Reporters without Borders' 2010 list of "40 Predators of the Press". Putin was on last year's list, but this is Kadyrov's first appearance on this particular list of infamy. Said of Ka-durak-ov:

"Anyone questioning [his] policies... is exposed to deadly reprisals ...Often referred to as 'Putin's guard dog', Ramzan Kadyrov shares the Russian prime minister's taste for crude language and strong action."

Sadly, this entry comes under "not surprised" for me, but as you know, I love lists and I love hating on Kadyrov.

Authorities Start Checking for Illegals

2010-05-03T05:50:00.001-07:00

No, I'm not talking about Arizona, and I'm not talking about illegal immigrants. I'm talking about Sofia, Bulgaria and the current crackdown on illegal dogs. Yes, this is the most pressing issue facing Bulgaria (<--- That's what sarcasm looks like)

According to the Sofia Weekly, yesterday, teams from the Inspectorate of the City Hall in Bulgaria’s capital Sofia checked 106 dog owners in two of the city's most popular parks. Over 20 owners were fined with not having legal documentation for their dogs.

My initial question was "is it so horrible that someone would be taking care of a dog and not leaving it to be a stray roaming the streets all times of day keeping me up all night with their mating calls?" However, according to Mayor Yordanka Fandakova, legal documentation of dogs is the first step in getting owners to clean up after their dogs, keep their dogs on leashes, and walk their dogs in designated areas. So Mayor Yordanka, I commend your efforts. Also, good luck with the "staggering" unemployment among the youth of the city. Might I suggest creating more Dog Inspector positions???

MegaGaz

2010-04-30T13:06:00.000-07:00

Everything seemed to be going so well between Ukraine and Russia (minus a few tiffs in the Ukrainian parliament). Russia renewed its lease to its Black Sea naval base and Ukraine got a discount on natural gas, in exchange for consideration of Russian entry into the Ukrainian energy sector of course.

Today we saw what was behind door number two when Prime Minister Putin freaked out everyone at a press conference following some follow-on Ukrainian-Russian discussions in Sochi. In an allegedly impromptu announcement, he suggested that Gazprom and Naftogaz (Ukraine's national gas and oil company) merge into one conglomerate.

Ex Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko has already denounced this suggestion as a Russian plot to deprive her country of sovereignty and is calling on her website for people "to work out an effective plan for ousting Yanukovych." Personally, I agree with the New York Times assessment that this is likely an aggressive haggling maneuver to get Russia a greater share of Ukrainian assets. Maybe the talks didn't go as well as planned and he decided to show the Yanukovych team that he was willing to toss them to the whims of a disgruntled populous? It certainly wasn't a move calculated to return Ukrainian politics to a sense of normalcy...

Spotlight on Stratgey 31

2010-04-29T08:21:00.000-07:00

I'm embarassed to say I just recently heard about "Strategy 31", but according to opendemocracy.net, not many Russians have heard of it either, so I thought I'd spotlight it today, because I think it could have great potential.

Strategy-31 is a spontaneous civic movement which, since 31 July 2009, has regularly held protest meetings in defence of freedom of assembly in Russia. They are held on the 31st day of every month which has 31 days. In Moscow they take place in Triumfalnaya Square. They are intended to both promote and defend the right to hold peaceful demonstrations, as enshrined in article 31 of the Russian Constitution

To date, Moscow authorities have not approved a single Strategy-31 protest. Not shocking. Moscow authorities and Russian authorities in general are quite good at using bureacratic measures to stimy criticism.

And it's perfectly legal. In fact, there are new laws under consideration. There is, for example, a proposal to introduce a notification procedure for one-off pickets, and to allow officials to ban a public meeting on the grounds of “insufficient information”.

Well good luck Strategy-31 activists. It's a tough battle. I'll keep trying to do my part in giving you more visibility. See you in May!

Russian and Azerbaijani Journalist Murder Cases Make Top 10

2010-04-29T08:13:00.000-07:00

Here's a top ten list I never wanted to see our region in, but I can't say I'm surprised. The Committee to Protect Journalists recently posted a special report on the Ten Journalist Murder Cases to Solve. Among the ten listed: #2 Anna Politkovskaya of Russian and #9 Elmar Huseynov of Azerbaijan. Politkovskaya was murdered in 2006, Huseynov in 2005.

They are listed with other murdered journalists from countries such as Sri Lanka, Iraq, and Pakistan. These are countries with not exactly stable governments. Russia and Azerbaijan can and should do better to ensure the justice of its citizens. That's my 2 cents.

Eggs and Smoke Bombs

2010-04-27T12:23:00.000-07:00

Throwing shoes has really gone out of style.

According to YahooNews, lawmwakers brawled, threw eggs at each other and set off smoke bombs in Ukraine's parliament Tuesday as the legislature erupted into chaos over a vote allowing the Russian navy to keep using a port on the Black Sea. Keeping it klassy. The extension passed with 236 votes in the 450-member parliament, but opposition leader Yulia Tymoshenko vowed it wouldn't last.

Opposition parliament members threw eggs at speaker Volodymyr Lytvyn as he opened the session in the Verkhovna Rada, forcing him to preside while shielded by a black umbrella held by an aide. Two smoke bombs were set off, and deputies shouted their opinions about the squeal of a smoke alarm.

Some parliament members scuffled and the opposition Our Ukraine-People's Self-Defense bloc said one of its legislators was hospitalized with a concussion after fighting with members of Yanukovych's party.

Who brings eggs and smoke bombs to Parliament?! Come on, Ukraine!

Android Karenina?!?!

2010-04-27T06:20:00.000-07:00

"Android Karenina: an enhanced edition of the classic love story set in a strange new world of robots, cyborgs, and interplanetary travel...As in the original novel, our story follows two relationships: the tragic adulterous romance of Anna Karenina and Count Alexei Vronsky, and the much more hopeful marriage of Nikolai Levin and Kitty Shcherbatskaya. These four, yearning for true love, live in a steampunk-inspired 19th century of mechanical butlers, extraterrestrial-worshiping cults, and airborne debutante balls. Their passions alone would be enough to consume them—but when a secret cabal of radical scientific revolutionaries launches an attack on Russian high society’s high-tech lifestyle, our heroes must fight back with all their courage, all their gadgets, and all the power of a sleek new cyborg model like nothing the world has ever seen."

Goes on sale in June 2010....maybe I'll like this version better?

Dom u Dorogi v Patonge

2010-04-27T05:54:00.000-07:00

Hey there folks! Just came back from an extended stay in Asia. And I come back with a bone to pick with a restaurant, located in Patong Beach, Pkuket, Thailand. This restaurant is called "Dom u dorogi/Russian Roadhouse", and here are all the reasons I hated it and no self respecting Russian or Russophile should ever go there.

1. While the menu is in Russian, none of the staff speaks Russian and thus can't understand what you're ordering at all!

2. Beer selection. Obvious items missing from the beer lists, um, BALTIKA! Also, no zolotaya bochka, a personal fave.

3. So there was a whole page in the menu called "Drinks for Serious People" and the Thai lady boy waiting on me said he/she couldn't make any of them, including a "Red Russian", which as far as I could tell was just vodka and cherry juice. No idea why that wasn't possible.

4. I patented a "Red Russian" as a "Blushin' Russian Bride" years ago! (cherry juice and vodka, get it?)

5. I said black bread, not rye bread!

6. My potato should have been smothered with mushroom sauce not mushrooms and soy!

7. The blini were clearly straight from the McGriddle, and I think I even saw an M in the dough. And btw, American pancakes are not blini and don't go well with sour cream.

8. When my friend refused to pay for the blini, we had the cops called on us.

Dear Dom u dorogi in Phuket. I hate you. You exist to disappoint. PS. Thanks for the free rakia, but I still hate you.

I swear I'll go back to hard hitting items by tomorrow. I just had to get this off my chest.

Put Away Your Bubbles

2010-04-20T09:26:00.000-07:00

On Sunday a group of 500 teens gathered for a "flash mob" at the Gorkovskaya metro station in St Petersburg. In spite of the misleading title of "flash mob" this group gathered to celebrate spring the best way they could think of...blowing bubbles. (Why don't we do that where I live??)

Unfortunately this annual celebration known as “Dream Flash” or“Soapy Peter” was crashed by some bubble hating, neo-nazis who mistook the frivolity for a gay pride event... because bubbles give off rainbow colors... and brought not only fists but guns. It seems that a group of gay activists may have planned to hold a gay pride event during the bubbling, which may have been the source of confusion.

Apparently, once the police showed up and the assailants ran away the bubblers kept on bubbling in spite of police admonishments to “Put away the bubbles and disperse." One attacker was reportedly detained, but police also detained about 30 bubble-blowers on suspicion of walking on the grass...Way to keep the peace

Putin Blatantly Replacing Leaders in the FSU?

2010-04-10T07:22:00.000-07:00

For those of you that haven't heard, Polish President Lech Kaczynski along with a group of Polish elites died today when their plane crashed in (guess where) Russia. The Polish leaders had been going to Russia to jointly commemorate the 70th anniversary of the Katyn massacre.

And just earlier this week Putin denies Russia's involvement in the uprising in Kyrgyzstan which has ousted President Bakiyev...three letters KGB (or FSB if we go with the new lingo)

Just remember that ER said it first.

Although unfortunately we are unlikely to be the last, and others may not mean it as facetiously.

On a serious note, prayers and thoughts out to the families and friends of those killed

Red Line Revolutions

2010-04-08T06:22:00.000-07:00

"People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people"

We've all been watching the events unfolding in Kyrgyzstan this week and many were surprised by the speed with which unrest broke out and spread. Early reports introduced comparisons to the "colored revolutions" in Eurasia during the 2000s, but this is a different beast altogether and, in my opinion, something other authoritarian regimes should be far more worried about.

The colored revolutions were catalyzed by protest of perceived (and actual) corruption in an election; electoral revolutions. Although many did have popular support, colored revolutions were often led by a unified opposition which had varying levels of popular presence on the streets during their protests. For me, the most convincing literature analyzing the colored revolutions highlights three key factors 1. use of violence (by protesters and the government) 2. internal instability of the regime in power and 3. unity among the opposition.

Reports suggest that the unrest in Kyrgyzstan was and is spontaneous and largely disorganized. Although the opposition (through a tv appearance by Omurbek Tekebayev) has come forward claiming to have seized the government, there are clear cleavages within the opposition and signs of an impending internal power struggle. Unlike the colored revolutions, both the ruling regime and the protesters have shown willingness to use violence, but unlike other cases the regime's violence has not deterred protesters. Instead, protesters overcame the police and reportedly beat Interior Minister Kongantivev and First Deputy Prime Minister Zhaparov.

Most importantly, these protests are not about electoral fraud, but are connected to economic conditions; a few weeks ago, the government suddenly raised the prices of gas, water and electricity.

Time will show how events will work out in Kyrgyzstan, but what will other authoritarian governments learn from these events (they undoubtedly took lessons from successful and failed colored revolutions)? I think they'll realize, if they hadn't already that even relatively apolitical populations have red lines that cannot be crossed...

Can you still deport someone to the USSR?

2010-04-05T09:03:00.000-07:00

So here's a tricky case highlighted in yesterday's Baltimore Sun.

Four years ago, Mark Denisyuk broke into an apartment in Harford County, Maryland (a great rurual county that has been fighting suburban sprawl for quite sometime, just saying). He fought with the occupants who threw him out and, when police arrived, he was standing outside, drunk, with slurred speech, his shirt and face bloodied. A judge later noted, "He had no realistic defense."

It became clear to Mark that since he is not a US citizen, his conviction meant deportation. So he fought the case. It was re-examined, but the conviction held. And now Mark must be deported. But where to?

Though not a US Citizen, Mark has lived in Harford County since the age of 14, graduated from a local high school and speaks fluent and colloquial English. The Maryland Court of Special Appeals says he is a citizen of Latvia. But Denisyuk was born in 1975 when Latvia was part of the Soviet Union. Moreover, he came to the United States in 1989, two years before Latvia gained independence. And, Mark has no Latvian birth certificate, but oddly enough, he does have one from Kenya, just kidding...

So what to do with Mark? Let's keep an eye on this one. I'd like to see if precedence is set for how to deport someone to a state that no longer exists.

Loss for Words

2010-03-29T05:13:00.001-07:00

Surprise Fireworks Show Cancelled

2010-03-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

The day was ruined for several Moscow maintenance workers by the discovery of a between 800 and 2000 unexploded WWII artillery shells in a cache beneath the road where they were planning to replace waterpipes. RIA Novosti reports that "between 200 and 300 unexploded aviation bombs, artillery shells and other ammunition is found in Moscow each year." Mad props to the worker that stopped jackhammering in time.

Sympathy for the Citroen

2010-03-17T08:17:00.000-07:00

This is one of those stories that gets legs and won’t stop running.

Two weeks ago, the vice-president of Russian oil giant Lukoil was in his chauffeur-driven Mercedes when it crashed head-on into a Citroen killing the two women in that car. The police blamed the Citroen for the accident but [Russian hip-hop artist] Noize MC has his own version of events.

…and that version has now gone viral on YouTube, which is important since Ekho Moskvy has apparently been banned from playing the song.

But we're not.

Say what you will about the decline of Russian culture, but we're pretty sure Rimsky-Korsakov never thought to combine guerilla dissent with a hip-hop cover of the Rolling Stone's Sympathy for the Devil...and South Park?

Bulgakov is smiling from hell.

Medvedev: Russia Must Tap That Arctic Resource

2010-03-17T06:19:00.000-07:00

AP MOSCOW — President Dmitry Medvedev says Russia must defend its claims to mineral riches of the Arctic in increasing competition with other powers.

...claims which have a dubious basis in international law. But hey, Rock Hudson had a dubious claim to being a submarine captain. And that didn't seem to stop him.

Future Headline: AIDS Epidemic in Uzbekistan

2010-03-16T06:40:00.000-07:00

According to CIVICUS: World Alliance for Citizen Participation, sex education is now illegal in Uzbekistan, evidenced by the fact, in September, Maxim Popov, was sentenced to seven years in prison apparently as punishment for his work to raise public awareness on prevention of sexually transmitted diseases and the promotion of healthy lifestyles. Why report on something that happened in September in March? Because it was just made public today.

In any case it looks like Uzbeks will have to learn sex ed the hardway. Unless of course they have access to HBO or Cinemax.

Face Value

2010-03-15T07:30:00.000-07:00

An Imedi network report in Georgia yesterday broadcast the news that Russian tanks had invaded the capital and that Saakashvili was dead...What they didn't mention clearly enough was that this broadcast, complete with footage from the 2008 Russian-Georgian conflict, was a simulation meant to imagine what would happen if Saakashvili was killed...

When the "War of the Worlds" series was first broadcast on radio on October 30, 1938, people panicked in the belief that Martians really were invading Earth. But people have learned since then not to accept things at face value right? Broadcast journalism has learned the importance of that fine print please do not panic button at the bottom of the screen right?

Apparently not..but I guess Imedi got high ratings that day

See the report here.

Happy Martenitsa!

2010-03-10T16:53:00.000-08:00

What the hell is Martenitsa?

Armenian Genocide, the Sequel

2010-03-04T13:46:00.000-08:00

Here we go again:

"The House of Representatives Foreign Affairs Committee, in a closer-than-expected vote of 23-22," moved to recognize Armenian Genocide.

Poor Ambassador Tan. We hope he didn't have plans to be in Washington for the Cherry Blossom Festival. He just got recalled to Ankara in protest.

Long Gone: Tsarist Russia

2010-03-04T06:06:00.000-08:00

More haunting pictures from the archive of Russian photographer Sergei Mikhailovich Prokudin-Gorskii (c. 1915) and the Tsarist world in twilight.

Pinkhus Karlinskii stands by a ferry dock along the Mariinskii Canal system (now the Volga-Baltic Waterway). He was eighty-four years old when the photo was taken, having worked the canal for sixty-six years. (That's ~~ten~~ three years longer then the total life expetency of a Russian male living today.)

Ethnic Russian settlers in the South Caucasus. (Are the faces that different from Dorothea Lange's photos of American Okies during the Great Depression?)

A rail push-car near Lake Onega, Petrozavodsk. Prokudin-Gorskii is one of the figures on the car.

Comming Soon: Jersey Shore, Russian Edition

2010-03-03T11:04:00.000-08:00

We kid you not.

According to the NYPost, producers claim their new reality show (tentitivly called Brighton Beach) will be “a cross between the Jersey Shore and Anna Karenina.”

A cross with Anna Karenina?

Unless this means that we can expect to see an orange Bolivian little person throw herself in front of a rush-hour A Train because Count Vronsky didn't like her hair extensions -- then we're not watching.

Have the producers even read Tolstoy?

Crossing Jersey Shore with Anna Karenina is like trying to cross Mein Kampf with Hello Kitty’s Nighttime Storybook Adventures. Then again, people would watch that too.

Serbia is Going After Alleged War Criminals…

2010-03-02T07:21:00.000-08:00

…but only if they're Bosnian. Specifically, former Bosnian Vice President Ejup Ganic.

And yes, the UK’s permissive legal system (where anyone and everyone can be arrested as a war criminal) is involved.

No word yet if Serbia will also seek the arrest of former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher for aiding and abetting a war criminal when she served Ganic a cup of tea during their meeting in 2006. However, the legal department reminds us that providing material support and comfort to a war criminal could also be a punishable offiense.

Not on the list: exploiting international legal systems for domestic political gain.

Bureaucrats of the World Unite

2010-03-01T11:33:00.000-08:00

Part of photographer Jan Banning’s series, Bureaucratics, featuring bureaucrats and their offices from around the world.

Russia

Bolivia

Yemen

This Teddy Bear has Claws

2010-03-01T09:39:00.000-08:00

This week Medvedev went Soviet on us. According to ESPN, Medvezhyonok has demanded that sports officials step down over the country's dismal performance at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Russia placed 11th for golds and sixth in the overall medal count. For shame. Medvedev said if those responsible for preparing the athletes don't resign, then the decision will be made for them. I think I'll keep track of the hockey coach's fate.

*Picture provided by Ellustrator.

Russian Chimp is Drunk as a Monkey

2010-02-26T11:33:00.000-08:00

Let me start by saying, this article has everything I've ever wanted in a story: booze, addiction, monkeys, and Russia.

So according to YahooNews, the Rostov zoo has sent Zhora, one of its chimps, to rehab, because he can't kick his beer-drinking and smoking habits.

"The beer and cigarettes were ruining him. He would pester passers-by for booze."

And yes, of course passers-by at a zoo in Russia had booze on them. Who goes to the zoo park without some beer? And for those of you who don't know, the Russian language is so awesome it actually has a verb that means "to get an animal drunk." The imperfective is опаивать, and the perfective is опоить. Yes, this is the Russia I fell in love with.

Cold War Flashback

2010-02-25T10:13:00.000-08:00

If you’re interested, there’s an awesome retrospective on the bitter architecture wars which erupted between east and west during Cold War-era World Expos.

At the 1959 World Expo in Moscow, GE's canary yellow “modern kitchen” sparked the Nixon-Khrushchev kitchen debates. (Is that Leonid Brezhnev eyeing the self-cleaning oven?)

The Soviets responded with this monster pavilion at the 1967 Montreal World Expo, featuring the exhibition’s largest restaurant (stuff it GE).

Which, if anyone is keeping score, was a shameless rip off of Eero Saarinen’s 1958 design for the Main Terminal at Dulles airport.

Orange and Blue, Together at Last?

2010-02-25T09:03:00.000-08:00

Only in the eyes of a Siberian Husky competing at this year's European dog sled championship in Donovaly, Slovakia.

(JOE KLAMAR/AFP/Getty Images)

So I started watching the Russia-Canada game...

2010-02-24T17:44:00.000-08:00

...10 minutes ago. The score was 4-1 Canada, which I'm like, wow, I only missed the first period and it's already a blow out. The score is now 7-2, Canada. So here's the thing...

1. It's the Olympics. This is supposed to be close competition
2. It's now 7-3, but still really bad, Russia
3. I miss the Soviet Union athletics program! I want crazy competition back!

All the same, go Canada!

Lenin Had a Sex Life?

2010-02-24T07:29:00.000-08:00

We might have just found a new motto for Eternal Remont, compliments of Helen Rappaport’s new biography of Lenin during his pre-revolutionary exile:

“There it is, my fate. One fighting campaign after another — against political stupidities, philistinism, opportunism and so forth."

Amen, brother Vlad.

So why is everyone talknig about the biography of a Kremlin lawn ornament? Well, Rappaport jumps head first into Lenin’s sex life, particularly his long-whispered affair with Inessa Armand (pictured). Rappaport writes:

"His sexuality, seemingly, had long been subordinated—along with his emotional needs.”

Get Fabio on the cover and you've got a best seller.

EU Visa Regime Weakens

2010-02-24T06:17:00.000-08:00

Don't worry. The EU still hates Turkey.

So after the meeting of the EU top diplomats in Brussels, the Italian Foreign Affairs Minister, Franco Frattini, reported that the EU will propose a visa-free regime for travel inside the Union for Ukrainian citizens. The EU wishes to establish strong relations with the administration of the newly elected President of the Ukraine, Viktor Yanukovych, known for being a bit more pro-Russian.

So Ukraine is being rewarded for picking the candidate the west didn't want? Ukraine, why didn't lean east earlier?

Montenegro Wants Its Own "Watermelon"

2010-02-23T11:53:00.000-08:00

Not content to watch Serbia and Croatia fight it out over Serbo-Croatian, Montenegro now wants its own language.

"Montenegrin is different in many ways…Take the word for 'milk', for example. In Serbian it's 'mleko', in Croatian 'mljeko' and in Montenegrin 'mlijeko'."

Yeah, totally different. So different, in fact, that it’s hard to understand how Yugoslavians were ever able to communicate with each other. Ask for 'mleko' in Split and someone might just hand you an toilet brush.

"In Serbian, they say 'dinja' for melon, but in Montenegrin, that actually means 'watermelon.'"

Excellent point.

It might also explain why Yugoslavia disintegrated. I ordered watermelon!

Don't Dance Angry

2010-02-23T11:00:00.001-08:00

Russia's Oksana Domnina and Maxim Shabalin offer a little insight into why "Ice Dancers Are The Angriest People At The Whole Winter Olympics."

(Yuri Kadobnov / AFP/Getty Images)

Sarajevo in Winter

2010-02-23T10:31:00.000-08:00

Time for a poll: Is Sarajevo 1) the most beautiful city in East Central Europe, or is it 2) not, not the most beautiful city in East Central Europe?

Answers in comments.

Photo Finish

2010-02-22T07:49:00.000-08:00

Russia's Nikita Kriukov (left) won gold by a toe in the Men’s Individual Sprint Final. His teammate, Alexander Panzhinskiy (right), took silver and is now ordering really big boots for Sochi 2014. Congrats to both.

(Credite: Lars Baron/Bongarts/Getty Images)

But is it Racist?

2010-02-21T06:58:00.000-08:00

You’ve heard of black face. Well, Russian ice dancers Oksana Domnina and Maksim Shabalin decided to do one better: black skin, body paint and eucalyptus leaves. Just like painting your face back and pretending you're a tap dancer, Shabalin thought this would be a great idea. But is it racist?

"We are respectful towards all competitors and all nations," said Shabalin.

*Stunned silence.

Alas, Russia enslaved its own people for centuries, rather than importing them from other places, and never enjoyed an all consuming discussion on race in society (examples here, here and here) like the United States.

But that doesn't make it right, Maksim.

Carpooling Win

2010-02-19T09:04:00.001-08:00

Via KuvatON.com, the best place to kill 6 hours of your life.

Edmund Burke Would be Proud

2010-02-19T06:41:00.001-08:00

Masha Lipman at Carnegie Moscow has an op-ed in today’s WashPost on the spate of protests poping up across Russia. At one protest in particular, Irkutsk residents came out in droves to oppose a pulp factory that will dump chemical waste into Lake Baikal.

“Although Putin’s decision will bring jobs back to the former factory workers, it caused outrage: Many people saw the lake’s water quality sacrificed as a favor to Oleg Deripaska.”

Meanwhile, isolated calls for Putin to resign are now ringing from Kaliningrad to Samara. Alas, Putin is too busy counting his money to care.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em

2010-02-19T06:10:00.000-08:00

In a world where smoking is banned basically everywhere and smokers are treated as pariahs, one country has the yaitsa to let people enjoy their cancer sticks in peace. That country is Bulgaria.

According to the Sofia Morning News, the Bulgarian Parliament has decided to annul a full smoking ban. Why? "...The full ban would harm restaurant businesses and the tourist sector and would be frequently violated anyway." It sometimes amazes me that any laws are followed in our region.

528-pound Romanian Woman Gives Birth

2010-02-18T09:40:00.000-08:00

According to YahooNews, a 25-year-old, 528-pound Romanian woman gave birth to a 6 lb 4 oz. baby girl today. The baby, "the fruit of the love between [the mother] and [her] future husband who is slimmer, weighing just 70 kilograms (154 pounds)," was born by c-section.

Florin Costandache, who helped perform the operation, said: "It was a real challenge because she needed four times the anesthetic a normal person needs." So...

Let's get to my interest in this story: A 528-lb woman found love, and I can't get a date most weekends, and I assure you readers, I am hot and nowhere near 528 lbs and I'm fun. Yeah, I'm putting this under my "Really?! Really?!" files. I am disturbed and angered.

Why You Should Never Cut Costs on PhotoShop

2010-02-18T09:36:00.001-08:00

"Turkish Airlines introduce the world's first Viagra-powered aircraft."

Via PhotoShop Dissasters.

Skittles Vodka, Need We Say More

2010-02-18T07:59:00.000-08:00

A public service announcement from Eternal Remont:

By placing Skittles candies in a bottle of vodka for a day or two, you can make a tasty, sugary infusion that's a perfect change of pace.

Here's how...

What Does Your Latte Say?

2010-02-18T06:50:00.000-08:00

If only my cheery, slightly anthropomorphized milk could talk.

(Thanks to a friend of ER for the pic!)

Biggest Loser, Sovereign Debt Edition

2010-02-17T09:15:00.000-08:00

Not a sustainable financial policy either.

This Greek business has everyone a twitter over sovereign debt. Remarkably, our region has managed its debt rather well. Only Hungary cracks the top 20 (as a % of GDP) of the world’s most indebted countries. The highlights:

--United States, 20th place, external debt 95% of GDP.
--Hungary, 18th place, external debt 124% of GDP.
--Ireland, 1st place (or last depending how you look at it). The country’s external debt totals a whopping 1,352% of GDP.

While official statistics are hard to come by, roughly 1,350% of that is owed to Polish guest workers.

Where are the Russians?

2010-02-16T09:22:00.000-08:00

So yesterday, Shen Xue and Zhao Hongbo of China won gold for the ice skating pairs competition. Um...what? For those of you not keeping track, since 1964, Soviet or Russian skaters have won the pairs competition. This year, no Russian pair even won a medal. Oleg Vasiliev, a 1984 Olympic pairs champion, has some thoughts as to how this could have happened:

"The breakup of the Soviet Union essentially cost Russia a generation of pairs skaters... The pipeline of government funding — free flowing in the sports-as-propaganda time of communism — began to dry up. Rinks closed to be transformed into other businesses, like car dealerships and shopping malls. Some top coaches left to work in the United States, where they could be assured of teaching private lessons and getting paid."

It is the end of era.

Is there a pretty airport?

2010-02-16T08:58:00.000-08:00

So this one of the more bizarre rankings I have stumbled on. Apparently, the US magazine Travel and Leisure made a list of the ugliest airports. The stand outs:

1. JFK, NY: “More than dysfunctional, it’s completely bananas,” says Museum of Modern Art design curator Paola Antonelli.

2. CDG, Paris: It is described as "a symbol of a fiendishly technocratic world where nothing works and nobody cares". And British design guru John Thackara believes the airport “has rendered everyone who works there sociopathic. Its staff are literally unable to empathize with the appalling experiences they inflict on passengers.”

And finally from our region...
3. Sheremetyevo International Airport, Moscow: "“Sheremetyevo was built in the ‘70s in the ‘heroic’ international style" ... yeah enough said.

10. Vrazhdebna, Sofia: “The old terminal is, as you’d expect, an unpleasant amalgam of styles and additions,” the magazine writes. “The new one should have been an improvement—with many of the characteristics of today’s best airports, like lots of glass and high ceilings—yet it wound up looking like one of those impressively shiny but irredeemably wrongheaded post-Communist showplaces.”

To be fair, according to the magazine about 90% of the world’s airports—from jam-packed hubs like Frankfurt to dusty outposts like Muscat, Oman—could easily compete for the title of world’s ugliest. Still... ouch!

It's Official

2010-02-14T06:50:00.000-08:00

Just going to let the AP do the talking:

Ukraine's Central Election Commission says opposition leader Viktor Yanukovych has won the presidential election according to the final official count.

This comes one day after Tymoshenko went on television to claim the vote was rigged.

Even American voters can attest, close votes expose all the dirty parts of the democratic process. But as Al Gore learned in 2000, it's hard to keep your mojo high when the other guy has been declared the winner.

Then again, Tymoshenko has a lot of mojo.

So Sad

2010-02-13T07:53:00.000-08:00

Here's a CBS sports report on the death of Nodar Kumaritashvili. Be warned, the first few seconds are intense.

Sochi's Enron Economics

2010-02-11T12:46:00.000-08:00

As all eyes turn to the start of the 2010 Winter Games in Vancouver, we thought it’d be a good time to check on the status of the 2014 Sochi Olympics.

The good news: according to Prime Minister Putin, "private" investors have agreed to pitch in $16.5 billion towards Sochi's construction costs.

The bad news: the total cost of the Games now tops $34 billion, leaving the Kremlin to cover $5 billion more than originally planned. The short-fall alone is enough to pay for half of the cost of the Nord Stream pipeline or pick up the tab for the entire financial bail-out of Dubai.

Strangely, the Kremlin has repeatedly stated that it expects to turn a profit on the venture. How it arrives at this conclusion is baffling.

Even if you doubled the current annual tourism revenue from the entire Krasnodar region, it would still take 103 years before the Kremlin & Co. break even on their up-front costs. And that doesn’t even consider depreciation, facility and infrastructure maintenance, and cyclical changes in the tourism market over the next hundred years.

Then again, once you get to the point where can bury a $5 billion loss and still claim to make a profit, the laws of rational economics have long ceased to be an issue.

Happy Winter Games, everyone!

Berezovsky: I have feelings too

2010-02-10T06:48:00.000-08:00

After being accused by the Kremlin (and its wholly-owned subsidiaries) of masterminding every high profile murder in Russia for the last half-decade, Boris Berezovsky finally speaks out:

"I have been portrayed as a man whom people should fear," he said. "This affects my relationships with everyone who is not already a close personal friend."

He offered that insight to a British judge as part of his lawsuit against Kremlin-owned RTR Planeta. The channel accused him of murdering Alexander Litvinenko in 2006.

Still no word if Berezovsky also denies Ramzan Kadyrov's charge that he murdered human rights activist Natalia Estemirova. But if the Chechen president has any assets in the UK he might want to hire some lawyers. Berezovsky can litigate for decades.

Keep on rockin' in the free world, Boris.

"Never Give Up" is a Poor Life Motto, Yulia

2010-02-09T08:12:00.000-08:00

Like the friend after a party who just won't leave, this could really get awkward.

Ukrainskaya Pravda reports that Tymoshenko has privately vowed to contest the election results, wants a third round of voting and will “never recognize the legitimacy of Yanukovich’s victory.”

Uh-oh.

Whispers like that even forced Joao Soares over at the OSCE to step in front of a microphone: "It is now time for the country's political leaders to listen to the people's verdict and make sure that the transition of power is peaceful and constructive."

And just to be safe, team Yanukovich triggered a flash mob (wearing blue trash bags?) in front of the Central Election Commission to “celebrate their candidate's victory.”

Gotta hand it to the man, he learns fast. But if anyone starts calling this the Blue Revolution, his media people will have earned their pay.

Say it Slowly: President Yanukovych

2010-02-08T08:15:00.001-08:00

From the looks of it, Viktor Yanukovych has pulled just enough suport to win the presidental vote in a narrow (3.4%), but legitimate, victory over Pani Yulia.

Tymoshenko hasn’t conceded, yet. In fact, she postponed a Monday press conference for 24 hours and has been on radio silence since the results were released. Not that it matters much one way or the other. Yanukovych doesn’t look like he’s got the stuff to be a new Kuchma. And while that's bad for Eternal Remont (think of the content) its good for Ukraine.

I suppose that we can accept it.

(You see, Tymoshenko. It’s not that hard.)

Polanski is in Switzerland, so Kazakhstan can do what it wants?

2010-02-05T08:09:00.000-08:00

You may recall, back in September, that Kazakh Human Rights defender Yevgeniy Zhovtis was sentenced to a 3-year prison term after a most unfortunate car accident. The case has gotten a lot of attention, because those individuals running the investigation and trial were not too good at following procedure and obeying laws. In any case, the good people at Foreign Policy recently interviewed Kazakh Foreign Minister Kanat Saudabayev and asked him his thoughts on the case.

"Mr. Zhovtis was born and raised in our country and he had not had any problems with the law before but because he was involved in the tragic accident that led to the death of another person, he plead guilty and this is it. I don't even want to comment on this issue. On the same grounds, within that time period 200 people were convicted on the same grounds. The actual penalty foreseen is from three to eight years of imprisonment. Mr. Zhovits was given near the minimum sentence, so why don't you speak about the other 199 convicted?

Switzerland, for example, is not extraditing Mr. Polanksi -- but that is not being discussed at such levels."

Um...what?! I really fail to see the connection there.

Google.ru

2010-02-04T10:50:00.001-08:00

What does Google look like in Russia?

And yes, someone is having a little fun. (Click to enlarge.)

More here.

Moscow's New Man in the North Caucusus

2010-02-04T09:32:00.000-08:00

There’s a new sheriff in the North Caucusus and his name is Aleksandr Khloponin.

Appointed directly by Moscow, he’s apparently got the local strongmen nervous about job security. So nervous, that eternal over-achiever Ramzan Kadyrov pulled out all the stops to whack a local resistance leader last week and has promised to deliver the head of Doku Umarov (another honcho) on a platter.

Oh, and Ramzan, he now cares about human rights issues. According to some excellent reporting by Jamestown:

“Following Putin's suggestion to provide protection for human rights activists, Kadyrov immediately [said] that Boris Berezovsky was behind the murder of the well-known Chechen human rights activist, Natalia Estemirova.”

And the dog ate his homework. You got a problem with that? Then we can let Grozny go back to this:

Downtown Grozny, 1995.

"Tymoshenko’s Looming Defeat"

2010-02-03T07:41:00.000-08:00

Just three days before Ukraine’s second round presidential vote, one of the best English language blogs on the subject has all but declared Tymoshenko dead on arrival:

“Entering the last week of 2010 presidential campaign Tymoshenko finds herself in a complete political isolation. None of the candidates, who lost in the first
round, are willing to rally their supporters behind her candidacy.”

Apparently, "years of hateful rhetoric and irresponsible accusations" are to blame. However, we’ve said all along that Tymoshenko could add 15% to her numbers if she’d just dye her hair fluorescent red -- thus raising her appeal among Yanukovich’s core babushka demographic.

Live and learn.

Update: If you're interested, check out Taras Kuzio's vicious rebuttal to the original blog post. (Thanks Leopolis!)

Is Russia Today the New CNN?

2010-02-03T07:09:00.000-08:00

It looks like Russia Today has now become the most-watched foreign news channel in the United States, besting Al Jazeera, Deutsche Welle, France 24, Euronews, and China Central Television. The problem is that RT is supposed to be a news channel. The Nielsen numbers don’t shed any light on the number of viewers who watch because RT also happens to be the best comedy channel on television.

The ratings are so impressive, however, that guys like Steve Randall over at Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting now argue that channels like RT "are comparable to CNN" when it comes to international reporting.

Maybe.

But until RT pays Dr. Sanjay Gupta to wear a pastel tie, adopt an affected British accent and tell us that a rural hospital in Magadan has just cured cancer, we’re not buying it, Steve.

Happy Birthday McDonalds!

2010-02-02T13:09:00.000-08:00

FP writes: "Yes, this post is largely an excuse to feature the above photo of Comrade Stalin munching on his McFries, but this week marks the 20th anniversary of the opening of the first Russian McDonalds."

(Thanks Igor and ALEXANDER NEMENOV/AFP/Getty Images)

Eastern Europe at Work

2010-02-02T10:22:00.000-08:00

The Boston Herald has put together an awesome photo essay on "The World at Work.” Highlights from our region:

A Belarussian border guard's dog runs over the backs of soldiers some 130km northwest of Minsk in the town Smorgon on January 22, 2009 at a military dog training facility. (VIKTOR DRACHEV/AFP/Getty Images)

A Kosovo Albanian miner shows his hands as he works in the Stari Trg Trepca mine on January 21, 2010. The centrepiece mine of Trepca complex in northern Kosovo, near by the town of Mitrovica, renewed its production for the first time after the 1998-99 conflict in Kosovo. (Armend Nimani/AFP/Getty Images)

An employee pours molten aluminum at United Company Rusal's Bogoslovsky aluminum smelter, Russia. (Rusal via Bloomberg)

A visually impaired man works at a hi-tech call center in Moscow, Russia on December 18, 2009. Once encouraged to take dreary factory-line jobs making electric plugs and curlers, blind people in Moscow now have a new option: working at a hi-tech call center. The center in northern Moscow employs almost 1,000 blind and visually impaired people, a bold experiment in a nation where people with disabilities can struggle to find interesting jobs - or indeed any job at all. (NATALIA KOLESNIKOVA/AFP/Getty Images)

An employee monitors the blast furnace at the ArcelorMittal Ostrava steel plant in Ostrava, Czech Republic, on Thursday, Jan. 21, 2010. (Vladimir Weiss/Bloomberg)

The Nabucco Con

2010-02-02T08:59:00.000-08:00

Buried in yesterday’s Wall Street Journal (page B9, right above the weather) was a curious interview with Nabucco Pipeline Director Reinhard Mitschek. In addition to revelations that Mitschek chalks up a lot of frequent flyer miles, he drops this bomb:

"Nabucco is not designed to substitute Russian gas…Nabucco is designed to offer complementary alternative gas quantities.”

Hold the phone.

After serving as a centerpiece of the EU’s import strategy for more than a decade, the icon of non-Russian diversification, the subject of endless conferences, op-eds, reports, and speculation -- hell, the Czechs even made Nabucco an agenda item for their once-in-a-generation EU presidency -- the pipeline was never designed to substitute Russian gas?

What the hell, Reinhard?

If true, then: 1) Nabucco is the greatest con ever perpetrated on the European people, or 2) Mitschek is desperately trying to spin the fact that he’s building a pipeline to nowhere and can't live up to the hype.

We suspect it's answer #2. But let's at least try for a little honesty.

Props to Lyudmila Putin

2010-02-02T08:48:00.000-08:00

Here's a little known fact: Lyudmila Putin, yes that Lyudmila, is an Honorary Board Member of the International Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

Here's a wider known, and sad fact: Russians are frequent victims of human trafficking. According to the UN's most recent report on the subject, Russians accounted for an alarmingly large number of human trafficking cases in:

Spain: 347
Germany: 182
Turkey: 157
Netherlands: 24
Poland: 12
Italy: 8
Bosnia: 5
Cyprus: 5

Keep up the good work Lyudmila!

Shame on you, Spain.

I want my GTV!

2010-02-01T09:32:00.000-08:00

According to BBC, "First Caucasian" has been blocked in Russia. Now because the details are so convoluted, I'm going to list them. I have no idea how to construct a cogent sentence from all of this:

1. "First Caucasian" is a Georgian-owned television station (hence G TV)
2. "First Caucasian" is a Russian-language channel
3. "First Caucasian" is transmitted by the French satelite operator, Eutelsat, but the company has halted transmitting it, possibly because of pressure from Russia
4. Eutelsat has signed a lucrative contract with a Russian firm called Intersputnik, whose clients reportedly include the Russian state-controlled firm, Gazprom Media.

So we have in play: Georgia, Russia, France, media, and Gazprom. Not at all suspicious. Is there a way to involve China?

Well, I'm not going to argue whether any of this is legal or moral, but I do want to know, is there any good programing on "First Caucasian"? If it's all propaganda, fine, I really don't care what happens, but what if there's an amazing buddy comedy "Irakli and the Bear"? Don't deny the people entertainment.

Lenin for Sale

2010-01-28T10:20:00.000-08:00

According to YahooNews, the city of Voronezh (a city South of Moscow) cannot afford to repair its bronze statue of Lenin, so the city intends to sell the statue. It's win freaking win, baby. Wait, what's the catch?

"[The statue] is under state protection and the law dictates that the owner is obliged to provide free access to it."

What the heck is the point of buying a Lenin if you have to share him with the people? You can't mix capitalism with communism! If you sell a statue it has to become personal property. Get your own Lenin!

Za Yanukovycha!

2010-01-27T11:57:00.000-08:00

Because we didn't cause enough controversy the last time we pondered the mysteries of Yanukovych’s voter base (Meet Team Yanukovych), someone has clipped together a video of "Yanukovych’s electorate."

But where are the cute girls in the blue windbreakers and baseball caps?

(Thanks Leopolis!)

Fuzzy Math

2010-01-26T13:28:00.000-08:00

In his most recent grain of wisdom, Chechen President Kadyrov has told the Moscow Times that he supports polygamy among Russian Muslims because it reduces sexual promiscuity and prostitution. He asked that age old question “Is it better to have 20 lovers rather than four lawful wives?” If it's simply a question of numbers, isn't it better to have one lawful wife than four lawful wives and twenty lovers?

In spite of this strong support for polygamy, Kadyrov said he is not seeking to change the law prohibiting multiple marriages. Makes sense, the law is really more of a guideline anyway...

"Holy" does not mean "clean"

2010-01-25T07:25:00.000-08:00

...especially in Russia. According to YahooNews, over 100 Russian Orthodox believers were hospitalized today after drinking "holy" water during Epiphany celebrations in the eastern city of Irkutsk. Many Russians consider any water obtained on Epiphany — which they celebrate on Jan. 19 — to be holy. The water these brilliant folks chose was from a well near the church. The source of that water was a stagnant lake.

Russians, get yourself a Brita or go full on Russki and leave the water in a pot with a spoon to filter it, but please, never drink from any of your lakes, ever. That is all.

Dutch Disease

2010-01-25T07:05:00.001-08:00

So I'm reading the Sofia Morning News, as I love to do, and I find out that Romania is the #1 exporter of prostitutes in Western Europe. Get it? Dutch Disease? Prostitutes are a natural resources and legal in the Netherlands... I'll try harder next time.

Other countries from our region in the top ten for exporting prostitutes: Bulgaria, Ukraine, Belarus, Moldova, Poland, and Hungary. I'm not an East European prostitute, so I can only speculate, but I think these countries wanted or hope to join the EU to get different types of professional jobs in Western Europe. Just saying.

It's Good to Be King

2010-01-22T10:57:00.001-08:00

Russians will get to feast on flame-broiled goodness now that Burger King has opened its first venture in Moscow.

“Now is the appropriate moment to launch the brand on the Russian market in cooperation with the local partners,” said John Fitzpatrick, Burger King’s senior vice president for development and franchising in Eastern Europe.

Translation: we promise to only use Russian-speaking chickens.

International Lingerie Scandal!

2010-01-22T06:14:00.000-08:00

Of course, our region is involved. According to the Sofia Morning News, Bulgarian designer Iskren Lazarov is accusing Beyoncé "Bootylicious" Knowles of plagiarism. He claims the lingerie she wears in her video with Lady Gaga for "Video Phone" is a flat out stolen version of his design which was inspired by Picasso's painting "Girl in a Mirror". Lazarov's design received a Triumph Inspiration Award in May 2009.

Now, there is a trial pending in Munich, Germany. Both parties involved in the dispute - Triumph, the underwear manufacturer, and Sony, the video and music giant, will be represented. Meanwhile, Triumph is preventing "Video Phone" from being played on German music channels... Wow.

Say It Ain't So, Turkmenistan

2010-01-22T06:12:00.000-08:00

This is a dark day for our region. In an act of unforgivable patricide, President Gurbanguli Berdymukhamedov has announced plans to remove the Turkmenbashi's golden statue that rotates to face the sun.

How can this be? He was the father of the Turkmen people!

You are the worst dentist ever, Berdymukhamedov.

Economic Freedom Index Released

2010-01-22T06:04:00.001-08:00

Why am I so in love with ranking systems? I don't know. I just am. The Heritage Foundation recently released its rankings for economic freedom throughout the world in 2010. Here we go.

The failures? No surprises here. Turkmenistan came in at #171, beating out the likes of Zimbabwe and North Korea. Surprises, the rest of Central Asia did better than Ukraine, which came in at #162. Uzbekistan is more free (economically) than Ukraine.

Successes. Well no country from our region came up as "free", but in the "mostly free" category: Estonia (#16), Georgia (#26), and Lithuania (#29). These countries beat out some of the big dogs including Norway and France. Good work!

Medvezhonok!

2010-01-21T10:44:00.001-08:00

How many times have I called Medvedev "Medvezhonok" or my "little bear" since August 2009? The answer is nine times, making today number ten. And how fitting is it that today I find this awesome Elustrator cartoon?

I love you Elustrator!

Who will police the police?

2010-01-21T07:59:00.000-08:00

According to RIANovosti, yesterday, the heads of Russia's leading media outlets sent an open letter to the interior minister demanding protection for journalists and society against police arbitrariness after a court fined a photographer for covering an anti-government rally. The fine was about $17, but it's the pinciple of the thing! The letter said the journalistic community is alarmed the incident may set a precedent for prosecuting journalists "while they perform their professional duty" in Russia.

Is it wrong that all I can think is "at least he wasn't poisoned or shot"?

Roman Kupchinsky is Dead

2010-01-20T11:21:00.000-08:00

This is a sad day. Kupchinsky's death is a great loss. He was 66.

Cold War Fash Back

2010-01-20T08:09:00.000-08:00

This civil defense poster from 1985 was designed to guide the good citizens of Portland, Oregon through their first nuclear war.

Where the hell was this poster when I needed it? The exact same steps could have come in handy during an average night out in Moscow, c. 1998. Comfort the dying, isolate the corpses. Check and double check.

(Click to enlarge.)

Thanks makezine.

But it's finger-licking good!

2010-01-20T06:36:00.000-08:00

Um, yeah, Russia is banning American chicken now. According to the New York Times, the government imposed an open-ended ban on American chicken imports that started Tuesday, ostensibly because the US companies had failed to adhere to new food safety regulations. The move will probably make chicken prices go up in Russia, but people will be more proud, the Times claims.

What is your pride worth, Russia? More expensive chicken? More expensive chicken that was not made more meaty and wonderful with the overuse of hormones and synthetic chemicals? Yes, the American chicken is fattier. But come on. One American chicken could get a child through an entire Moscow winter. That's just a fact. Source? Me. I made it through a Moscow winter on one American chicken boiled down into the fattiest soup I ever had. But I digress...

Apparently, many Russians have been choosing not to buy American chicken lately anyway because they're full of chemicals. As always, Elustrator is here to amuse us:

Red Crescent Banned in Bulgaria

2010-01-20T06:01:00.000-08:00

According to the Sofia Morning News, yesterday a Bulgarian court ruled that the non-profit organization Bulgarian Red Crescent was illegal on the grounds that it violated international conventions under which a country can have only one organization called “Red Cross” or “Red Crescent”. The good news I guess is that at least there is a Red Cross somewhere in Bulgaria. Excellent organization. Anyway, the founders must pay court expenses. Interesting note on the founders...

The organization was registered by the brothers Ali and Yuzeir Yuzeirovi - Bulgarian citizens and ethnic Turks (break out your Gellner). Outside of starting the Red Crescent, in October, the two also built an illegal monument - “Monument of the Unknown Turkish Warrior”. The monument was promptly removed. To be honest, I don't think a monument to the Turkish warrior would bother me, but another monument in C/E Europe would destroy my eyes. Don't we have enough statues?

Amber Room Found (Again)?

2010-01-19T11:52:00.000-08:00

Don’t look now, but someone has again claimed to solve one of the greatest mysteries of World War II, the location of the stolen amber from Tsarskoye Selo.

According to "historian turned journalist and lecturer" Sergei Trifonov, the amber is in Kaliningrad.

“Believe me or not, it’s there, 12m down in the sub-soil,” he said, pointing to the entrance of a bunker that sheltered the Nazi high command in the last hours of the Battle of Koenigsberg. “This place was built [in February 1945] with two aims: accommodating the headquarters of General Otto Lasch and storing the treasures of Koenigsberg, a city under siege.”

Others are not convinced.

“He’s a good storyteller who can’t prove anything,” said Vladimir Kulakov at Russia’s Institute of Archaeology.

Maybe so, but that’s what they told Indiana Jones and he recovered both the Ten Commandments and the Holy Grail from the Nazis.

Keep following your heart, Sergei.

"Kosovo is our Jerusalem"

2010-01-19T07:41:00.000-08:00

Remember that sick feeling you got when you learned that Georgia’s Minister of Defense, Davit Kezershvili, was only 28 years old?

Well guess what, your life sucks that much more.

We just learned that Serbia’s Foreign Minister, Vuk Jeremic, is only 34 years old. Oh, and he’s a quote machine. Bonus!

“This place, Kosovo, is our Jerusalem; you just can’t treat it any other way than our Jerusalem,” said Jermic.

Only, it’s not Jerusalem, Vuk. But nice try.

Death by Decree: Kazan State University

2010-01-19T07:21:00.000-08:00

Facebook has lit up with a slew of indignant posts by students at Kazan State University. Apparently, President Medvedev has decreed that the historic home of Tatar higher learning – prized by many Tatars as their own – will now be unilaterally restructured “into a faceless Privolzhskiy Federal University.”

And as many have just discovered, one can’t challenge a presidential decree in court. The deed is done.

Some posters are concerned by the lack of transparency and consultation in the decision. Still others are openly worried about the decision’s impact on academic freedom.

Unfortunately, academic freedom was left out of Tatarstan’s 2007 power-sharing treaty with Russia. On the other hand, the treaty does allow Kazan to insert a page in the local propiska that’s written entirely in Tatar.

Lose a university; gain a page in the passport. That sounds about right.

Papal Assassin Conspiracy Theories

2010-01-19T05:46:00.000-08:00

I will say, for the record, this is probably only news to me. Recently, Mehmet Ali Agca, attempted assassin of Pope John Paul II, was released from a Turkish jail. Upon his release, he said, "I proclaim the end of the world. All the world will be destroyed in this century. Every human being will die in this century...I am the Christ eternal." Turkish authorities then promptly announced that Mehmet would be going to a hospital.

So what's this have to do with the region and my ignorance? I had no idea and maybe others had no idea, that the attempted assasination of Pope JP 2 was a suspected Soviet plot. And, Mehmet claims to have received two months of training in weaponry and terrorist tactics in Syria as a member of the left-wing Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine paid for by the Communist Bulgarian government... Of course, nothing was ever proven. If only Mehmet or "Christ" wasn't crazy. Maybe we would know what really happened.

Feeling Blue?

2010-01-18T06:19:00.003-08:00

The title fight is set.

Viktor Yanukovich (35.4%) and Yulia Tymoshenko (24.9%) placed first and second in Ukraine’s initial round of voting. Alas, voters sharply rebuked President Yushchenko, fallen hero of the Orange Revolution.

Adding insult to injury, Intrade Prediction Markets say the man who tried to steal the last presidental election from Yushenko will almost certainly take his job.

Ukraine's Political Depression

2010-01-16T15:42:00.000-08:00

As part of it's Ukraine election coverage, the BBC introduces us to Ruslan and Oleg (pictured) -- the best political analysts ever.

"I don't know who to vote for," says Ruslan (on the left). "There is no-one worth voting for, we're in a state of political depression."

Of course, there are meds for this condition. However, side effects include: suicidal thoughts, hallucinations, short-term memory loss, change in libido and dry mouth.

...Pretty much the same effect as staring at a shirtless poster of Putin for ten minutes. Pick your posion.

The Memory Hole

2010-01-15T10:27:00.000-08:00

(Photo: EnglishRussia)